Broken Glasses Lay Across The Sand Of The Sunny Island's Coast, Reminding Us That Though It Is A New Year, It Is Only Happy For Selfish Reasons.

have we all lost all ability to think through things reasonably?

i stand back now, back up against the wall, start thinking to myself. what do we mean by happy new year? what is so happy? it seems like as the each year gets more complex and gets more screwed up. more innocent people fall prey to merciless attacks by fear-driving men who seek for some 'patriotic' or 'religious' reason. fireworks - fire in the sky. wasn't that one of the plagues or something. people celebrating about blasts of fire. hm, let's switch to another part of the world. blasts of fire in the sky - a mother would look up and hold her two sons and daugther closer to her in a huddle while her eyes start to tear up in fear, remembering of the time she lost her husband when he was on the way to market and would have made it back home in an hour had it not been for that car bomb.

yesterday met up with rovers to go for countdown at palawan beach, sentosa. bbq-ed for a while. bbq never felt so boring i dunno why. hm...got told to stop bbq-ing by the beach patrol. but we just carried on after that anyway. then we did the countdown and threw each other in the sea. then looking at how we rovers did it, other people followed us and threw their own friends into the sea. then we played other games. then played drinking games. had to think of her for a while before being bored into falling asleep by no talking-cock session. then went back home.

hm, thinking of her again. have i had enough of my insecured thoughts. maybe i should be like last time, just to modify certain parts here and there. i'm gonna do it. hm, i'm gonna do it slow and steady. i'm gonna tell her, by this week or something. and if it's awkward, i'll just live with it.

have a new year that you would feel satisfied with, ladies and gentleman. to my ventures, let's have more outings in the future. to my rovers, i've got something to say. and it could be either best thing or worst thing to do at the start of the new year. or maybe i'll say it after my annual camp. to my scouts, enjoy your brothers now. you can never underestimate the power of having such bonds. to my friends, i'm still gonna be pang seh-ing...but not as much. to her...let's get together.

Culda

P.S. Rovers.

The Shortest Post I Will Ever Write Cause I Know That If I Were To Carry On, People Will Know Who The Girl Is.

she's black. she's white.
she's everything i know i might like.
i hesitate to do what i want to do,
cause i know i might just scare you.
you have no idea, i bet, at all about how i feel
but lately i've never felt anything so real
i know what's beeng going on but hope you'd just listen to me
that i hope you would be happy to spend the new year with me.

did that in 2 mins. can kinda tell. but i've been so distracted. throughout my run today, i couldn't stop thinking. should i stop my plans for tomorrow and just try to look for the perfect oppurtunity to tell her. but it just seems so wrong. maybe...maybe...

hm, somethings happened which i wish it hadn't. and even if it had, i wouldn't want them to happen so soon to the day when i'm hoping to actually tell you.

i hope i can actually show you in a way my sincereness and kinda show you my concern for you but it just happens to be hard cause it just might scare you. and that's the last thing that i want you to become. but i know you won't be scared. just put off or something like that at the least.

never have i actually felt this way, truthfully. but i hope you be there. but if you can't, then...it just will be another day then.

Nav

Red Fox Ventures - We Unite Under This Festive Lights That Are Substituting The Sun That We Are So Used To But I Hope We Get Used To It.

Be the change. be the miracle. be the one that makes a sudden difference and for a good reason. see a vision, share the vision and live by that vision. some say the world doesn't need visionaries. it doesn't need 'dreamers'. but dreams puts a life in man's realities. we get to see the different picture. we get to see the 'what if'. and if visions be shared and is accepted by one and all, then change will be inevitable and will be the root of success.

i hope that i can actually take up this chairman post. i have a feeling we need to change some stuff going on right now. let us try to embrace this change. we didn't become ventures to jsut show others how bad a job we are doing. we need to do something. we need to be skillful. hard skills as well as soft skills. mostly on soft skills right now cause we need to know how to work with and manage relations with each other so as to have better communication and to also know how one would react to certain decisions. we have spotted the errors in all of our previous workings but have we learnt? or rather have we decided to move away from making this errors again and again? we have to stop making the errors and mistakes that we are so used to.

i know that i had my own problems with having a leadership appointment (eg. campfire chairman). i look at it now and realised my own immaturity in actually going through what i wanted to take up. but however, i've seen the consequences. i have also been in a organisation where i was able to see the culture of working through events and proposals and trying to make things work which always end up successfully and no one enjoys it more than they do. looking at that, i've seen what i've been lacking. and i have learnt from my errors. i've learnt from that mistakes. it's time for us not to be like fags and let things slide. com'on let's throw away our panties and start to wear thongs. let's be daring abit. we need to push ourselves in changing everything. i know we can do it. let's fuckin change.

okay here goes my list of who should take up what key appointments in the EXCO. this is again what i feel, so it is personal opinion. it is not personal attack. nor isit what i want you'll to suffer in. i've also added the reasons as to why i do what i did.

Chairman - me/eugene
reasons said.

Vice Chairman - hui wen
hm, she maybe new to scouting. but she is not new to thinking of ideas. she may have some fresh suggestions and ideas for us. that's what we need now. and i feel that having her as the vice would be the best thing.

Executive Secretary - Priscilla
having priscialla on board is a good thing. we have again a different perspective, thus a different range of ideas. she as the secretary would not only be entirely about minutes and all but she will also be in charge of alot other aspects in the committee and thus having shwon such importance, she will be respected as such.

Program, Events And Training Head- Eugene And Shing Chen
i know that eugene and shing chen has alot of experience in many events. and they might be able to actually come up with new and different events for us to be involved in and as in the coming year, we would be coming up with major events, they will be probably in good form as compared to many others to take up this post.

Chief Quarter Master - Andrina
i was actually thinking of having the way of quarter mastering to be revised and looked through and be standardised. however most of the senior ventures would probably be accustomed to the usual ways. thus i've decided to go through with having andrina as the CQM. this would help as she could be brought up on a better system and be able to work on it for a year or two an then pass on the system to the scout unit qm.

this is what i can think of. if i have missed out any roles please do let me know.

Culda

I Help It By Feeling Pathetically Sad Knowing That A Fat Bastard In A Red Coat Won't Be Humping My Rambutan Tree Anytime On This Festive Day.

hm, yeah it's Christmas again and i'm feeling fucked as usual. no plans. nothing on my hands. and feel like eating durians. hm, read those three lines together...it freaking rhymes. but actually i don't eat durians, so yeah, screw me for saying that. why am i in a bad mood but in a very funny, satirical way? well, you nincompoop of the universe, be glad that i'm not freaking being myself and writing about some chick whom i kinda like but can't fuckin get. yeah, i'm always pissed during the festive season. why? cause com'on, nobody knows what occasion i celebrate. and it's not deepavali you screwhead. contrary to popular belief i don't celebrate that day. i celebrate vesakhi...nope not vesak...vesakhi. it's complicated i know. but hey you don't like it, go dig yourself with a colorful melting candy cane. we don't even get a freaking day off, not that i need it cause i know i can have a day off whenever i feel like it. but you know, i feel like having the option or knowing that i have the oppurtunity to goof around while other assholes are working their buttholes off.

Sea Camp
talking about buttholes, here i am, sweating my ass off and all of a sudden i smell instand noodles seasonings. nope, not the instant noodles. just the seasonings. weird huh? well, that's what i smell. hm, was kinda wondering, did i actually talk about sea camp? and all that other shit. sea camp was freaking fun. especially the bbq and the dragon boating thing. with the moley captain (i did not give him that name, someone else did) and the apparently cute whiny guy (i did not give him that name either, the same person who came up with the moley thing did). then there was two other guys, one who was super 'clumsy' just for our own rovers entertainment, and some guy who was slightly quiet but thought to be having bad attitude when actually he's okay. i have no comments though. i wouldn't want to. i wouldn't want to comment on those protein-shakers, 11-times-a-week-rowing, big shot acting bozos. yeah...but there's another reaason why the dragon boating and bbq was fun. shit, my food was stolen during the bbq. what the hell...all my chicken wings which i made so nicely. but at least i had my share. then i went to reflect over my life for a while on some boat thingy. hm...let me share with you some meaningless pictures for a while.

the beautiful scenery that could just be about the best way to reflect upon your life.......or you could do what i thought of...take your girl for canoeing (single canoes) in the late afternoon to see the sunset...then you guys just raft up together and then watch the sunset while her shoulder is on yours while you'll are enjoying a bottle of champagne.

this is like a good picture for 'O' Levels Picture Discussion.
Q:what is happening here?
A:a bbq wtih 3 girls at the back eating food of wooden satay sticks and there's also two girls struggling to put food over the fire while one guy is in the camera's view trying to make sense of it all.
Q:what's gonna happen next?
A:sticks go flying, fire get's burning, and a thousand scouts will appear from nowhere and start singing 'father abraham'.

here we have, our lovely food being nicely barbequed to a lovely and edible texture.

here we have our lovely food on fire, burning to a lovely burnt crisp and a cancerous texture.

Pioneering Day
well here's a kind picture album mosiac thingy shitty thing. enjoy.


my Stand Alone tripod catapult (the tri-pult!!!) which was tall and easy to build. too bad the loading was abit too hard. but hey it worked. when it was launched, it almost hit someone with the water bag and with the mess tin - and that someone was me.

the instructees cataput which was the main launcher used during the war. it didn't hit anyone however, only the people behind. but it was kinda close to some of the instructors who we were supposed to hit.

the instructors catapult. with a hammock tied together with it just to for them to relax in while we were finishing up our own catapults. it was actually one of our second plan, if the tri-pult didn't meet the instructors requirements or just didn't impress them. but we went with the above structure instead.

debrief by toh wee. or was it the start of the catapult war. hm, forget already.

our hard work at the end of the day. it did show us where we did not do so well in like communication and all that. but pioneering day was fun. but it would have been more fun if we could actually build a playground.

hm...recently been training running. running at school mostly cause all the amenities are there and can have free bathes...hm, i'm feeling superly singaporean. hey, if you guys wanna go running anywhere, let me know alright. i won't disappoint you.

hm, i'm gonna do another blog later. for my venture mates. i know it's all democracy and i don't wanna change your decisions about anything but i just wanna let you know what i feel will be right for the flow and i have my reasons for saying so.

alright, merry christmas and a happy new year to all those celebrating this over-rated festive occasions. new year resolutions anyone? i'm still thinking of mine. it's hard. cause i want to think of something that must take a whole year. not something that can be done in a day or two like making mama happy and all that shit. peace muthafloopers.

Culda

The Hardest Thing For Me Now Is To Actually Get Over The Fact That Even Though I Like You, I Know It Can't Be As You May Want Different Things.

sometimes it's hard. to tell yourself that something you want can't really be yous as you know that the other person wants something different. it's hard not to think like this even. trying to make yuorself not do anything stupid. cause you know that if shit happens, it will just lead to alot of uncomfortable stuff. and that is not necessary. that's why, let's just tell ourselves that. then sometimes when you do get in a relationship, you always have to think of the other party. i mean, if you seriously know you're causing hurt to someone, wouldn't you wanna be the one to step up and end it all considering you are the one causing the pain. i would. hm, as long as you hurt yourself and not others right. as long the other person is not hurting because of you, then that's the way to go. hm, so that's why it's best for me to try to let the thought of being with that someone die. okay try to understand. i'm not being a hero. i'm not being emo. i'm not being a failure. i'm just weighing things out and seeing how it all flows. but right now, it seems to me that the best thing for me to do is to let my feelings for her slide. it's sounds very dramatic i know. but isn't life just like a drama with it's own bloopers of which we try to learn from. hm, sadly, she will never know. hm, but if you all of a sudden, just think a bit and for the sake just think that i may be referring to you, don't be so quick to just go pass that thought. cause it might be true. just think about it. think carefully...everything. maybe you'll see something.

the closer the year comes to a close, the more it makes me think that i should think of coming up with a few resolutions for myself. maybe i should tell her on jan 1? if she feels the same way (which is unlikely) then i'm gonna have a very nice year with a very nice girl by my side. if she gives me the 'er, i'm just a friend' look (which is highly likely), i'm gonna have a very bad and emotional and gloomy year ahead of me. or who know, i might not even live the whole year. i'm just kidding. i won't kill myself. i still got alot more to live for. no seriously, cause if i die, people will be more sad for themselves than for me due to my death. hm, i think shouldn't talk about death at this time.

right now, i just have alot of shit. i'm not gonna start challenging with others over who has more things to do. cause we'll be making ourselves so desperate over winning such a 'competition' that we'll make up shit as we continue to show whose life is more pathetic and miserable. and at the end of the day, it'll all be so childish. am i not right? and all of a sudden i'm having a deja vu. it feels so weird. hm, anyway, it's time for me to really think through it all. what i'm doing wrong? what i'm doing right? what i need to do more in. and why i'm here most of all.

it's hard for me to not feel what i feel. you cause hurt, you get hurt. i've heard of some stories. stories i shouldn't actually know. but i know. and while some of the stories don't make a difference to me, some stories make me think. learning from other people's story is good. it's way to understand how the other mind thinks. how the other mind gets through problems. that's why i'm starting to ask people about their history. it's the only way to understand how they will work and the whole other thing. because each story is different, there's so many stories we can learn from.

and learning about one's stories and sharing with that person might be the best way to actually like a person. cause through the stories (if told truthfully that is), you get to be more acquanted by the heart and you get to know how to feel and understand that person. and i hope it works in my case. but in the mean time, i've still gotta think about it like how i did when i started this.

Culda

P.S. there's this girl in track and field and when she runs, it'll make you go 'awwwwww' cause she's short and small built and her running is damn adorable. hahaha...if i'm not wrong, her name is amanda. haha...damn freaking adorable...it'll make you laugh after going 'awwwww'...

Sway With Me Darling, Sway WIth Me All Night. Tell Me How Much You Love Me While I Hold You Tight. Don't Ever Let Me Go, Or At Least Just For Tonight.

the person i like? hm...i never really did say much about the person i liked. hm...let's just take a look first. i mentioned in my earlier post about hoping the person i liked would be happy. hm, instantly people might have thought that i liked some girl in the rovers. but hey, what's like? like differs if it's a different kind of like. there's admire like. there's sillily like. there's even like like. you can like someone from the opposite sex. you can also like someone of the same gender. sometimes to be liked means to just be accepted. to be appreciated for doing something. but i'm being totally vague here. hm, i'll just leave it as...i like no one...simple. my mind is too tired now to play mind games. but it means a different kind of like...i can assure you that. not the like you'll are assuming.

hm, well, passed my BTT (basic theory test). now booking for final theory test. gonna do it at bukit batok, nearer to sp. hm, can't wait to start learning to drive and can't wait to get a licence. a licence to kill with a four-wheeled vehicle...hahaha...hm, i'm not those kind of people. don't worry.

hm, been also wrecking my brains for activities for the training camp for the Rover Big Foot. it's actually kinda hard when you're working against and with your own creativity. you're like having a mental war. and you know at the end you're gonna start stoning. but the thing is is that i'm done. i mean for my proposal. if need to change any more, can just change. actually, while my brain is starting to relax, i'm actually starting to get more ideas. some fun, some sadistically fun. hm, i'm no sadist. i just happen to be involuntarily entertained when i see other people's misery and pain. but i think i'm not alone. all human beings like to feel sadistic. take for example america's home videos. we laugh at other people's misery. in 'the moment of truth', people watch to find out what goes on behind closed doors, what one families dirty laundry is, which girl wouldn't mind sleeping around to boost her career, which guy wears laides underwear and stuff like that. and another show where people would see people fight with another and enjoy it even more than wrestling shows is 'the jerry springer show'. oh and if you happen to feel entertain by that, here you go. a video for you to enjoy.

well, went training on thursday. man, i tired myself out. gotta work more and get a fit physique. man...alright...i'm gonna keep this one short. tomorrow got some survey work job. 10 bucks per hour. anyone else wanna go run with me, just let me know. people say why do i write so long entries most of the time. i reply with cause i don't have the time to shorten it.

Culda

It Is Not The Fall That Kills You. It's The Sudden Stop At The End Which Brings You Down To Your Knees And Make You Cry For Mercy.

i have failed to understand why shit happens anymore. or rather, i kinda have given up. given up for now. it's tiring. i won't use my annual camp as an example. it's not fair. looking at it, i won't use anything as an example. it might be too direct. it might show the stupidity of some too easily and directly and may cause bitch-fits all over the island. and this may cause the entire world to shift due to an imbalance in the equilibrium of nature. sometimes it's hard to comprehend people's minds and their actions. you dunno what they wanna do. we are not mind readers. shouldn't we just say what we really feel about each other's actions and where they should improve on. we shouldn't really do it in a direct way that will affect the person in a way that the person receiving the comment will not know what to say or may make him reply offensively, sarcastically or just plain rudely. we are trying to make the person improve. we shouldn't just kill the person with blatant remarks. what do we get when we just tell a person that he sucks so much the floor is sparkling clean whereever he goes.

kinda makes you think as well. don't direct or straightforward people lead a boring and sad life. i could elaborate and go on...but will it make any difference. you're not out in the world to put smiles or joy in anybody's life. your purpose in life is to show and prove to other people in life what a freaking retard you are. woops? too...erm...straightforward?

hm, on other news. annual camp postponed. i'm kinda happy for a few reasons. well, can finally get a chalet. to some people, it's not that we chose to spend our nights in tents or whatever. we are kinda aiming for comfort for ourselves. it's kinda a pain in the ass, complaining about beds and shit. it is annoying after a while. freaking annoying. jokes be jokes...but...argh..that's how the way some people are. like i'm a guy who when he says stuff, he tries his very best not to shoot off his mouth. cause i know when i do, i have to try even harder to stop myself before hurting some people. but unlike some people, i don't like to tell them directly. being indirect is fun. cause you get to test your own creativity. and being indirect may also hit more than one person. anyway, back to annual camp, i hope that it doesn't go through any pitfall or trench again. i'm gonna just really race through everything and try to get everything done for this camp. so that it will put a smile on everybody's face when it's finally over. and even on the one i like.

we belive what we what we read sometimes. some people are too lazy sometimes or just over read some things. or they might just read it as it is. they don't bother to refer behind or refer forward into an article to see whether there is more to what has been said. though it may be easier said than done, what i write always tend to have some significance or continuation or link from a previous article or in a future article (but it only works if you remember what i said). hm. just something i thought i would just say.

well, my mind is in a bit of a fluster right now. i have the tendency to overthink and complicate and confuse myself. tomorrow i've got some surveying to do. and on thursday gonna go running. dental on friday in the morning and not too sure what to do later for the whole day. saturday got the work thing again. sunday is boring day. but dad's home so, probably some family thingy. i realise that some people have family days. and i don't. but i guess it's just like having a girlfriend. some are a bitch. some have a bitch. figure it out. it's very vague i know. but like i said, read it through. but it's just crap, not supposed to make much sense. it's just supposed to make you go...'hm, what the hell. maybe..yeah...true? funny...crap la you nav'...hm, crap is logic told in a humorous way. other than that, it's just old lame shit. and those are the kind of things that don't require much attention.

just when i though i'm falling to my death, i fall down on this cliff side. on my left is a cave. on my right, it's a step to another fall, maybe to my death, maybe not. i have no idea. this cave is calling out to me. it's appealing. it's offering me food. it has the sound of flowing water from inside. isit just being nice to me and when i do enter it, it will lead me to nowhere. or isit really a cave that will lead me to the other side of the mountain that has a new life waiting for me. this is what is going through my mind. girls. what can i say.

Culda

You Didn't Come Here To Make The Choice, You've Already Made It. You're Here To Try To Understand Why You Made It.

time to understand what we're doing. we've all got to understand why we're making such choices. if there isn't a reason behind something, well, then maybe that thing isn't worth doing. but remember what is not worth doing, may not be the same as not doing it at all. it's hard to understand it at one go, but it slowly creeps up on us. in life, we don't always need to do the right thing. the right thing is so subjective. all we need to do before making subjective and objective oppositions and assumptions is to understand.

well, it was a boring week to start with. had my 10km run. i kinda felt proud. now all i need to do is to improve on it. make myself more powerful. don't think i actually need to drink so much during the run. that way i'll be faster. hm...running is good. but i think you kinda need to motivate yourself before you run. cause if you just run while having nothing at all in mind, it seems like you'll not do that well unless you've got that anticipation or adrenalin rush. if you've got that rush, you feel like you can run better and longer and faster. just my thoughts.

hm, thinking, should i join the sp track and field team next year...just for fun you know...i'm still gonna be active in rovers...but i mean...yeah..track and field...i don't mind just trying out for it...hm, who knows what can happen...

sp dj has something going on next year first sem!!! who wants to go?? okay, it's not cause i'm trying to be a dick and try to advertise for the SP DJ, it's just that i'm too tired to actually going to all those clubs...might as well go for some clubbing thing that goes on throughout school. but hey, there won't be any booze...not that they know of...what am i talking about...i dunno

Hm...rovers!!! well, it seems reasonable. training dept in the Rover Big Foot (RBF) committee...currently gotta think of training ideas for the coming camp for the RBF participants. then annual camp is coming along fine. i just need the finance thing. to me, once i get the finance thing done, all the worries are gone for the planning part. cause then we all need to worry about the executing part, whihc for this camp, kinda is like the most important part...cause planning basically is just how you want to make it fun. but cause we are making it in a fun, unique, kinda sick way, the planning is kinda tiring as well....but hey, jsut need the finance thing...the finance thing...argh...i'm cool...then there's for the aaron's event (apparently that's the name of the event) for which i'm the secretary. but i haven't been going for it. hm, secretary, i don't think anyone knows i hate being secretary, but looking at me, i don't look like a secretary. i look like the guy who's banging the secretary...just a joke. just a joke. com'on liven up...

hm, i haven't been at the movies in a long time. i'm like quarantined in my home, watching movies on my macbook, like batman, hostel 1 & 2, v for vendetta (superb movie by the way), and others like that. got comedies like dave chapelle and russell peters and chris rock...but i need to get out there you know. and talking about quarantine, i was like planning to watch quarantine a long time ago but never found the time. hm, am planning to watch twilight, but you know planning to watch it with someone. it's been months, i need to be in that scene again. it kinda gets boring. being single rocks...but hey, single people are people who love to mingle (and not forgetting fondle... just kidding just kidding, i'm not that kinda guy...not always)...hm, i jsut gotta take it slow with this one...hm, it's like trying to get close to a dove...you can't make it any sudden moves, cause you'll just scare it away...anyway, yeah, prob gonna just take it slow with her. but she's kinda scary...not scary scary...but as in friendly scary and all that...i dunno...maybe i'm just freaking paranoid. or maybe i'm jsut a flirt??? as to what she says...i dunno what i'm talking about right now...

hm, maybe i should look though my life...see what are the choices i'm making...am i doing too much. i know i can handle much, but my life can't...as to what my manager said, 'maybe you should givee up this job, maybe you're having too much right now'...is she right? i am starting to think about it, and the more i think about it, it seems quite true. i mean...should i give up on some stuff? should i give up on somethings that's eating me up slowly? or should i give up on something that's eating me up slowly? for those reading and seeing whether i'm being dumb or whatever cause i wrote the same damn sentence twice...i beg to differ...read the sentences again...there is a difference...and for those who understand it, please i'm just thinking about it...i'm ready to make the choice...just whether i'm able to understand whether it's the right choice or just a good choice.

Culda

P.S. check out youtube.com for my stupid videos...it's stupid and retarded but hey, it's out of boredom and this is what boredom does. it will start killing the child in you, and if you let it, your life will die...so watch it now motherfreaker...

We're oft to blame, and this is too much proved, that with devotion's visage and pious action we do sugar on the devil himself.

To whom it may concern, apologies if it hurts, but the true of intention of it is to make aware the reasons as to why one should be displeased...

i have quit from tcc. some ask, finally? others ask, why so? why again? well, i joined back in tcc, i knew i could stay for another year or so. but unfortunately, UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES arose and that cause misunderstandings, or which could be easily avoided but was instead pursued. then even though i agree that some of the things were my fault, it does take two hands to clap. hm, try to understand where this is coming from.

let me elaborate. first of all, i am not trying to single out anyone. but judging from what i'm describing, you guys prob now what i'm talking about. are you gonna put anything in my records? that i'm a sore loser? i'm just voicing out, for what is right. alright, let me begin.

let me first ask, how painful isit to work in a place where work culture is so unbelivably terrible. some people may say that they find working there fun, some may say othewise. it depends how you get treated. i've been subjected to the many cold shoulders my entire working life and there's seriously a limit to how much one can take. how painful isit to work in a place where people contradict their own actions? it's painful...and tiring.

you may say it's nonsense, but i mean, (i'm trying to keep it short here) it's also painful when people try to 'promise' you something. but then again, have to hand it to them, how they have the ability to convince you that they might actually get you increment? how they actually have the ability to convince you that everything will be alright if you jsut be more subtle? if you be more 'matured'? you did a good job. you had me convinced. so convinced i actually decided to change for the better. but when i realise that it was just a talk, when i realise that it was just a piece of deception, i showed my worst. rebellion? nope...i prefer it to be known as reacting reasonably to oppression. and what did it lead to in the end? noone won. but i knew that even if i were to do my all for you had talked to me about, i knew that it would still never happen. favouritism? no, i'm not saying anything. i'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you know better than myself to know that i deserve what you talked about. i always knew somethings were too good to be true. you were. you and your whole bag of deceptions. it's amazing how you can still act pissed, with the fact that you probably know what's going on around. you jsut happen to show that you deserve to be respected. but isn't respect earned not given?

then there's also the one, who would jsut criminalise you for just asking anything...knowing that the answer can be given immediately. but sadly, the answer has to go tour round the eyeballs and brain cells and then has to be disguised slowly and the question, not the answer mind you, will be asked to someone who doesn't really need to know of it. this creates one unnecessary clusterfuck. and another thing, if someone were to be sincerely discussing about a problem, why is it that the problem needs to be disected and then thrown back to you in a disgusted way which in turns destroys the whole working flow process and then spoils the mood and causes the whole atmostphere to be awkward for no good reason. or maybe you just have problems? personal problems? you like to react to things in a defensive way? hm, "i only care for my customers. i don't care about my staff." ever heard of internal customers?

i know i may not be the best, i know i have my problems. sure i goof off? ever found out why? there should come a point when we're discussing about what we should do, we should also take some time off to discuss the why? we're talking about what someone should do because of his/her actions. have you ever asked why? though why may not solve the given problem, it helps to understand people and where they come from. once we understand this, we may actually start to prevent some problems from happening...it does work , just to let you know.

hm, i never wanted to leave. i wanted to be in tcc for another year. with what some poeple 'promised' me. but though that couldn't be settled for. i thought maybe i could go somewhere else? but i couldn't. how painful do you think isit to be asked to work in a place you don't wana work due to the fact that you know it is quite hard to work there due to the timings and scheduling? but even when you explain this, the things that they say imply that you shouldn't leave...but i mean, if it's causing alot of problems, why continue working there?

it's seriously a head-scratcher. i don't understand why sometimes. was i not promising? it's just that somethings really cause me to act and react otherwise. i've had it. it's tough. i am not a mind reader. nor am i a miracle worker. am i not entitled to a few mistakes? there is just so much to say...but how do you want me to say it all here. i just need to get part of it out right here. if i feel the need, i'll post more. but just to let you know, i was interested in working again. but now, my mood for it is spoilt. oh, and this is the main reason why i'm quitting. thanks alot. thanks for the memories...both good and bad...

Culda

P.S. more to come? it depends if i can actually get all my thoughts down to paper...i'm sorry, but though some is my fault...some is yours

And Thus I Clothed My Naked Villiany, With Old Odd Ends Stolen Forth From Holy Writ And Seem A Saint When Most I Play The Devil.

looking back now, i sometimes tend to see myself as a person lost in this world, unknowing of the other troubles around me, just caught in the greed of hurting others for my own self-glory. people may think, you be the angel, this judged upon the thoughtful things you may say and act onto others. this then contradicts sometimes doing what stabs the ones that praise and leads them to think of you as the one who oppresses the ones who carry the burden and eventually will lead to the downfall of your once gained popularity.

hm, deep you may say? hm, here's a thought. it's amazing how some, if not most, people tend to believe something that they do not understand but the moment they actually happen to have the gist of knowledge about something, they are quick to question everything about it.

it's also amazing that how you can manage to confuse and convince when you string words of intellectuality together to which may not make any sense at all but due to the profound content, people will fall prey to these.

anyway, what's been up with me, nav? well, i quit tcc. i have decided to finally change my course. and oh, in case anyone doesn't know, i kinda created a hoo-haa in the SPRSU. and i just downloaded tammy nyp. hm, it's an old clip, but hey, even if she's not hot or if it's an outdated video, any video with a real girl agreeing to have sex with a guy and have it recorded...how often do you actually hear that. hm, well, i'm no porn freak or what but i mean, i'm a human being after all. after all, watching porn is good. i mean, i wouldn't wanna be shocked the first time when seeing a girl naked. i need to know how ladies look like naked. i mean, just imagine a guy, he then haves sexual activites with his wife and he's been a good boy, waiting for this night. he has never touched any pornographic or erotic materials before in his alive and the only sight of a woman's breast he has had is of his mom about 31 years ago when he was a small little baby and had only the intention of filling his eye-balled size stomach with 100% breast milk. he undresses, and so does his wife but just when he catches the sight of his tall and lanky and well propotioned wife, all nude in her glory, he 'lets it out' if you know what i mean. he lets the 'venom out of his purple headed snake' if you know what i mean. jsut imagine the trauma he will have. he's gonna be regretting this. just when he thought he was gonna show the world that he was gonna make the best transition from a virgin to sexlord, he explodes before getting it on. or rather in, if you know what i mean.

okay, yeah. hm, oh yeah, question, anybody knows when to use implode and when to use explode? please let me know. i need to know. important. oh yeah, i've got new movies. hostel, damn good movie. just like botak jones, damn good food. then i've got the saw franchise. batman, dracula (1992). many more. if you need any, jsut ask.

oh did i mention i'm gonna flunk my msts? no, oh well, did you know that i'm gonna flunk the msts! well, now you know. hm, anyone wants to think of crappy things and activites to do in school (Singapore Polytechnic), please let me know. 97473625. hm, i've just possibly opened the possibility of allowing the whole world to prank call and spam call me. what the heck, i need excitement in my life. i'm on a whole course of changing my life. who cares i get into trouble for getting it. who cares i'm not looking at eye balls, but instead looking at the engineering aspects f everything in the world. who cares i might not be donning the black t-shirt of which may excite some? greed is attacking all of us, slowly but terribly, and the only thing we can about it is to take advantage of it.

Culda