Mr Insecured Takes A Glance Behind His Shoulder And Sees A Trail Of Mistakes And Shadows Of Errors That Make Him Shake Nervously In His Pants.

well, back again. just came back from seeing hansel and gretel. good movie. at vivocity. yeah, i wish it was. it was so boring. huh, wanted to watch harold and kumar but that was like at 1210. then looking at my total sleeping hours for last week which was only 19 hours and thought to myself that i need to payback my body it's need for sleep that it is so desperately calling out for. anyway, hansel and gretel is a movie with no story line and you wonder to yourself that the creeps and scares were necessary. and you just wish the the children weren't so freaky...freaky as in their acting...it;s weird...not good...

hm, waste of time...went to eat at secret recipe at vivocity. bad service. rude. totally deserving a bad lecture from me, too bad there were my company infront. ordered spaghetti blognaise, which was kinda watery the sauce. and why the hell are there carrots in spaghetti. hm...not my cup of tea. then the shepard's pie wasn't so impressive. the marble cheesecake was bad also. the oats was surprisingly chosen to be the base of the cheesecake. not really a good combo...once the cheese settles in, you get that awful raw oat taste. the strawberry yoghurt...should have been less ice. should be less icy. should be something refreshing, not something that will give you brain freezes.

vivocity is big. but it wasn't as big as i experienced it last time. they made it smaller. there's a conspiracy going on. no la...maybe used to walking about sp that vivo doesn't seem so huge and un-navigatable. hm, if vivocity was my home, i'll be most happy with armani xchange and candy empire and stuff like that. topshop, and according to one of my classmates, will make you a well-groomed man. cool, just what i need. my clothing is shit.

by the way, probably gonna go botak. and open my own food shop, botak nav, specialising in pratas.

hm, well dragon boat is the cca i want. gonna go for the camp on friday til saturday. thinking of joining the changi youth ambassadors. hm sp rovers....gonna just go for their camps. dragon boat is gonna suck all my time. yeah. woo hoo. ticket to strong mental and physical wellness. anyway, dragon boat is serious business. but one thing bad is that i will most probably have to worry about my macbook for the camp as on friday, i've got IDEA module and i've gotta bring my macbook for it. then IDEA finishes at 3 and supposed to go for the camp at 6. how man.

hm, looking through my cupboard today, saw my chingay t-shirt. hm, good memories. all of a sudden could remember that cheerleadr sitting by the road waving her little flag and her constant smiling at me. had i been abit faster i could've gone to know her...but we had to move on. so yeah...missed her by a second. then ndp, also saw all the stuff in my cupboard, even the hair moisturiser. hm, all those good times. especially during water breaks. ahhh, fun times.

Culda

Look At This Photograph, Everytime It Always Makes Me Laugh, Why The Hell Is My Hair Like That, With A Face That Deserves A Slap.

Looking Over This Cliff, I Realize That There's A Whole Wide World Of New Possibilities Waiting For Me And Here I Am Waiting For The Next Day To Come.

well, i'm back with my old template. i was never one to deal with the fancy designs. one cause i suck at it, two cause i suck at picking one out and three cause i don't really have the time. sure a blog needs to be nice and all that. but i dunno. i'm not so keen on having the best design. and i don't really care that if my content sucks also. it's for my people to relate to and reminisce. alright. let me just say something. i'm doing like three blogs in two days.

TIRE ME OUT

i'm like freaking tired as well. i look at the time and it's 0040 am. after i do this blog, i'm gonna just lift some weights and shorten myself. i'm also gonna do some push-ups, sit ups and yeah la. wish i could just go for a run...it's been a long time...run from my house to the roundabout after the chalets at east coast park through the park connector network...hm...it's probably like about 10 km. hm...need to improve on my speed though.

CCAs

talking about workouts, i'm probably gonna either fully take on dragon boating or canoeing. or maybe alternate it. which will probably kill myself. canoeing is three times a week, dragon boating is 4? and the canoeing is all about speed and stamina an dragon boating is about strength. so if i go for both, i'll be like looking like a weird beefcake. if my metabolism allows me to slow down and gain some weight. hah, then saw the deejay booth, scratching away on their turntables. cool man, i really am interested in that. then for the cyclist club, i just filled up for fun. hm, didn't know sp had a triathlete club. and the girl there was like so hot in her tan. from far she looked hot. wanted to go there and share some of my knowledge. hm...never mind...some other day. then anyway, gotta see alot of people. damn yeah. be seeing more wednesday probably.

THAT CLASS OUTING

i remember that outing, me and my class. my last blog was kinda shit on that event. so here it goes. botak jones is not really all that nice anymore. hm, the serving for large is like for medium, in my view la. but it's like everyone else couldn't finish their mediums. we had to separate ourselves actually into three tables. one big table and the other two were around tables of four to five. the three girls in my table all shared like two dishes, which was kinda something something. then me and edwin were like stuffing ourselves with our larges, and then got an almost weird look from everyone when i said that i'm still hungry. hm, after that we sepearated, and ming jun, me and pei loo and chas went to see superhero movie. which was stupid. expected movie. not really funny. the only reason why i was laughing was because pei loo was laughing like dunno what. at first it was like 'haha, she laughs like this'. then came the reaction of feeling slightly for her sake. then after that me and ming jun were like 'who's this girl sitting in e09'. then after that scary event we went TCC, went to have drinks. chatted and took pictures...i know...hm, i think maybe i should lighten up on my previous policy of no taking photos of me for leisure. anyway, all in all, was great. kinda got a headache from wearing chas's specs. above in a separate blog entry i will put all the pictures.

GAYBOY

well, is gayboy still gonna be fuckin the way he is. hell yeah. com'on edwin, you know how that ass is. well, at least we showed him we are the bigger man by apologising. but you think we did the right thing. he didn't shake shake our hand willingly. he didn't accept our apology. he didn't even apologise. and hey, guys of 02 especially the ones who were there when we were talking to him that day, wy don't you read his blog. the tone of his entry about us talking to him is written in such a way that we are like super inferior or super wrong to be talking to him. like talking to him is nothing at all to him. hm, cause he's got the 'right of will' to fuck whoever he wants, he thinks he's the big kahuna and can just use the reason of 'free rights' to get away with everything we say to him. hm, chas, unleash you god-given fury on his white faggot ass. 

Culda

P.S. hm, he has deleted the previous blog already. kinda makes me remember all the times when i got into trouble and had to delete all my other previous blogs. hm, i'll elaborate more on this in my next blog. probably tomorrow...or rather today. it's 0130 now. hm, got some shit that just pissed me off. then some people...haiya...gotta do my workout now. gonna take half an hour. 0200 onwards, gonna start playing fat boy raid the cookie factory. then play pac man. then watch a movie. probably a funny one or something. maybe babel. or dunno what la...got so many to watch. you guys want to watch any movie, just let me know alright.

Warriors Of The Oxyz Clan, Assemble Before Thee For Tonight, We Will Savour Victory Of Which Is Rightfully Ours. UNITE I SAY! UNITE.

alright. if it's a war they want, it's a war they will get.

we didn't want anything to start with. we were just irritated with that johnathon's attitude but we decided to just let it be. no matter how annoying it was (and still is) we decided to just live with it. it wasn't just about him being bisexual or whatever. the way he so freely expresses himself is not something we want to be hearing all the time. yes you are a bisexual. we get it. we got no problem fo you being a bisexual. just don't touch me or any of the other guys. don't talk to us about being gay and all that. talk about sports, girls or whatever normal guys talk about.

apparently and evidently as i infer from his blog aikido_rawks@hotmail.com...it's so clear that he and his class thinks that we are really into having a war with them...it's like we love to hate people. we don't. we just want you to tone down your fucking volume. we want you to be less frivolous with the way you speak. yes, we live in a open world. yes we are open. but hey, we get disgusted too alright.

and you wanna talk about our girls. what gives you that right? you wanna be a crybaby about it? hm, the girls in your class, with their spastic and slightly out of this world looks? are you comparing your class to my class? hm actually got nothing against your class, cause they didn't do anything...i mean, everyone is okay. just that we had a bloody problem with your conversations. and what's it about our class girls needing to be fucked? do any girls desrve to be fucked (in our classes)...really. why? will the girls being fucked change anything? any girl? no girl deserves that? and who wants to do the fucking? you? alrighty then you asshole with a mind of a 10 year old wethead champion.

A war you want. a war you get.

---

Update to this blog.

talked to that guy. what did he had to say? i have a right to free will. yeah. and so do we. it's personal. and personal is all of a sudden being shown to the whole wide freaking world. so much for being personal. blog, guys you sure you wanna share your darkest secrets? you sure you wanna share you most valuable and secret-ess secret? hm, i don't think so right?

then what else did he say? oh, for the girls, not really targeting everyone.  just the whole class in general. oh...perfect. thanks man. we really needed to be generalized. we didn't want anybody to be or felt left out.

that's basically all i got. cause the rest of his 'i'm gay so leave me alone' speech was not making sense to any of us. heck, i have gay friends but they don't behave like mr pinky over here. i mean, gays are just people. just that i wouldn't wanna care much about his sexual fantasies about guys. fuck yeah, we are open minded. we're not enthusiastic. understand?

hm, could have been longer. edwin stepped in...kinda just made me sit back abit. seriously i've gotten into too many confrontations or whatever that is similar to that kind of situations. it;s starting to get so common for me that i'm controlling not to let it ruin normal friendly conversations. already i've debated with a few people, once over lunch , for no apparent reason. haiya, i need some kind of help. need to be more friendly based again. like last time. so happy.

gayboy, why oh why. hm, the question to which there is no answer. whatever the girls are planning to do to you, i hope it's something wonderful. and if your girls are gonna get into the action or whatever or you gonna get everyone involved, which i think won't be so successful cause you're kinda like ostracized from the guys in my view, hm, i'll be looking forward to see what is the outcome or whatever.

A war isit you want. you've got one war my friend. get ready to eat your balls...if you still have them puss-face.

Culda

How Do You Measure The Hopelessness And The Level Of Insecurities In A Man, For Isit By His Lack In Determination Or Sacrifice Of His Own Interests?

understand one thing...when a man breaks down eventually, that doesn't prove he's weak. he just has lost the ability in hope for the moment, he's going through a tough time, he's going through a loss of hope and determination at the moment. him being so depressed is just probably a temporary stage/phase of his life but no matter what, he seems to pull it off infront of his close ones and prays that no one will see him as emotional. men are emotional...the reason why we don't show it is cause we don't want others to share or help us with our burden and miseries. it's hard to explain to people as they never know that guys would share their sorrows with the world. men only try to hide their sorrows by just walking it off, but it's still there. inside of us. slowly getting heavier and heavier. until one day, we just just blow it off...

TEARING ME APART
hm, tears? yep, i've shed a few. when the doctor slapped my ass when i just got released into this world, i cried like hell. pain yeah, i've felt pain...when i was running and i fell and my balls landed on my b***s in some weird fashion. indescribable pain. hopeless, yeah, i've felt a sense of hopelessness before, when i released that singapore soccer is going nowhere. i felt hopeless cause whenever i go overseas, the foreigners will think of me as part of china and a bunch of people without the knowledge of kicking a ball into the right goal. lost, yep i felt lost...when i first when into tp and entered the girls toilet by mistake...i was feeling scared then...everyone feels something now and again. the feeling of love, the feeling of rejection and the feeling of feeling something that isn't supposed to be felt (touch my body)...we can't be put to blame for being emotional or angry, it's all natural...what we need to understand is what cause us to have this feeling at this point of time. got it?

UNDERSTANDING FASHION
hm, fashion...it's not my niche area at all...it's not something that i like to do...but hey i mean it's alright...you know, i mean if you got time to spare, or if you are with people who wanna shop, then going to topshop or zara or armani isn't that bad at all...but you know you've got a problem when people comment that you are a turn off for people who wanna shop. woo hoo...my life's purpose has been served. anyway, fashion is a part of life that needs proper understanding, comprehension and commitement. i mean fashion is changing constantly ain't it...then you've got to keep yourself up to date to it...hm...maybe SP should have a new club called SP Fashionista's Crew. we all know who will be the president right?

CCAs AND CLUBS
hm, dragonboating....probably...gotta join something...keep my life interesting...i don't have a life currently...so gotta create one...then gonna fill up my life with maybe either deejay club, sports club, sp rovers...see which one or two appeals more to me...plus don't forget that if i take up the sports module and foreign language module, it'll be even more enlightening for me...will be able to see heaven calling out louder to me as each week passes by...hm...we'll see how it all goes.

THE 02 CLASS AND THEIR OUTINGS
hm, well, am i getting to like my class....no...i'm starting to really really like it..especially humanbio chem...okay who am i kidding...i hate it to the core of the earth...why oh why did they have to have chem there. hm, but anyway, anatomy hasn't started yet. i know that once it starts, we'll be seeing more of the latest movie trailers...and then every friday, at least part of the class will have their outing. (hm iron man anybody?) well, botak jones was not as good as i thought it was...the standard dropped...but at least communication and bonding was done. i would say the class in being more united, and we are bonding more...some bond through food, some bond through choking on food, some bond through talking about their subjects, some bond through debates over certain matters...some bond through movies...some bond through being a gay-sociallite...okay i was just kidding about the gay thing...well, guess gay-ness is the way that we should bond through...so anybody wanna volunteer to be the class gay? anyone? anyone?

WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME
hm, the other day when i was at kembangan, this lady (probably in her late 20's) put her hand round my thigh and kinda hunged on to it for a good 4 seconds...it was kinda packed in the train and i was on my way to SP...she looked at me and then turned away...er, what happened there i don't know? then guys keep looking at me funnily...not because i've got a piece of spinach in my eye but it's because i'm a guy-magnet...or rather gay-magnet...or gay eye candy...shit, why am i like this? i'm not freaking gay...i love women...unconditionally...ladies my number is 97473625 and i am a healthy young man who will make you forget your miseries. just call me...my name is MachoFoxxx...yeah baby...oh then this old lady thought i was winking at her when i was actually just falling asleep (my eyes close individually when i'm sleep-deprived). the weird crazy part is that she liked it and was eyeing my the whole journey. hm, i don't go for guys, i don't go for old people...holy crappo, why do weird things happen to me...

SP LIFE
it's great. the modules are actually not bad once you get the hang of it. then it's different from sec school where talking to someone or asking someone you don't know might get you in pickle. but how i just wish someone would just fling a chair every once in a while...then food is abundant. but the quality isn't really there. who cares about quantity. i mean no expenses should be spared when it comes to filling up on the nutrients and making you stomach happy. sp is big...we all know...but it's quite easy to find your way around...once you know where exactly you are and where you wanna go...the maps always there to fool you...then the girls...especially at the buisness school...ahhh yes...not saying that there isn't any girls in CLS...hm...i think i'll stop about this right here...don't wanna get ambushed by girls from CLS...i don't need to worry about the girls at engineering cause there's like hardly any girls there in engineering. and i think i should jsut talk about SP some other time...it's kinda getting boring.

IN THE END
ever felt like giving up? ever felt like you can't succeed in life? well then give up. give up right now. you are a coward. you don't have the courage to face your problems, you might as well live under the rock and cease from living. why are you not seizing each day's opportunities? guess how many people want your spot. no one in this world respects a coward. if you back down, someone's gonna just run and fill up your spot in three seconds. hey you think you're making a sacrifice. think you'll look like a hero by sacrifing? you ain't a hero. the world ain't looking for heroes. the world is looking for the people who can't make it. the world wants to know who is the weakest link, so that success for others will be easier. hm, hey you giving up. let me know. i'm waiting for a new challenge.

Culda

P.S...this blog was done over three separate days. i had to do other work in between and all that. if you think that this blog is kinda messy or shitty or whatever, let me just say i don't care a damn for your comments. got a comment, come find me. it's been a long time since i stuffed a stray cat down somebody's windpipe.

P.P.S...no animals were harmed during the entire phase of my life.

Everyday I Hope To Be Lost In Your World But All I Get Lost In Is In Your Merciless Words Of Confusion And Rejection Of Which Is Painful Beyond Words.

hm, ahhh my voice is dying. i dunno why. maybe cause i haven't been testing the volume and range of my vocal chords. i kinda regret. been shouting 'oh god' alot. the two words that will come out from me the moment i see something unbearable. like fat porn. yes. some dumbass idiot send this file to me of which was tittled as god's greatest gift. i was thinking something else. hm, that was sent as a joke from someone. haha, my fat ass ain't really laughing.

hm, school's starting. can't wait...for the end of the week...so i can sum up the week for you guys...in my own sarcastic little ingenius way. hm, we ain't supposed to bring our notebooks (please don't use the term 'laptop' cause that sounds so unprofessional) but i'm still bringing it, for fun. wanna be entertained for a while, before and after school, and maybe during. no la, not during. hm, plus i can also easily add all my classmates email on the spot instead of collecting on a piece of paper of which i will lose within 7 minutes. so yeah. hm, school's gonna be a bummer. or maybe it could be fun. control myself. don't be like what i am. no one's ready for me. or are they...?

hm, flag day was a doozer. the worst flag day for me. why? cause i followed the rules. well, not really. i followed more rules this time than compared to previous flag days. see, the thing is, that during this kinds of donation drives, rules are meant to broken. to get the most money, rules need to be broken. if you can destroy the rules, all the more better. but,...hm if there is another flag day coming up, i'll try to make it up to my conscience by getting one and a half full tins. yes, i can. i'll station myself in a bus interchange, near a mrt station, with surrounding office builiding where little foreigners are, where people are less arrogant, where there's not much other people collecting donations too. yes, it's kinda complex. you can't use the simple rule of standing in one spot and smiling at people til you start to look like the joker from the batman. hm, complexity will help you in all your endeavors.

anyway, did joke around on that day. crapped. sweated. ate. sweated more. irritated people. bugged passer-bys to donate. 'donate you asshole. what's two dollars to you? that two dollars can mean a smile on a small orphaned kid's face!'. i also gave some of the other sp students false information to get rid of them, com'on, this is kinda like a competition. but hey, no hard feelings right. hm, if there is, then come and find me. i'm short, stocky, overly hairy, i wear specs that was in fashion in the 1970s. my accomplices are all members of the oxygenated eye clan.

hm, class is starting tomorrow. is it gonna be fun? is it gonna be torturous? is it gonna be...unexpected? hm, just thinking, if you expect something to be unexpected, that means it'snot unexpected, instead it's expected. isn't it? hm, maybe we can discuss this tomorrow. hm, anyway gonna be there early. gonna explore singapore polytechnic...the ins and outs of sp. how to get to class easily and quickly when i'm getting late. yeah.

hm, you guys gotta hear this song. dream on by aerosmith. hm a damn good song. then there's what about now by daughtry. mostly old songs, just wanna relive the moment. hm, alright, i can't really concentrate right now. eating and blogging. hm, can't multi task at this moment.

Culda

What Happens To The World When Navjoth Singh Is Forced To Decide On Being Serious To An Extent That He Forgets How To Be Sarcastiscally Crappy.

alright, hm...went for orientation in sp. want me to describe the events like a typical girl? alright here goes ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages.

oh my god. today was like so great...first came to the convention centre and like it is so packed can? looked for my class and realised that there are more girls in my course than guys. hm like the ratio is 3:1. maybe it's because all the girls have an eye for a guy? (get it? get it? eye for a guy? optometry? eyes? for a guy? fine lar, don't laugh.) finally got into the convention centre seating area and it's like so cold can? sat next to this guy who was wearing jeans. i think he's name is nav or something. bloody idiot you know...crack stupid lame jokes...start telling me facts about the singapore poly...but he spotted the CLS logo in the new building. oh did i mention. i'm in class dopt/ft/1a/02...class number 2. 02. the oxygen class. we'll never die in there. we'll probably get high on the oxygen there...woo hoo. that bloody nav also in same class. hm, i think for my other class mates to find this blog on the net is to have as many keywords as possible. dopt put already...now put...singapore poly...ainah, don't care la...continue with my story...

then after all the talks got have to sing sp song...so cute...nav keep smiling to himself like one gong gong like that. then it's like nobody want to sing. so funny. but not bad la...then go through the cca's and all that. but first the hip hop dance was so nice. the girls can really move can. and the guys are also okay la...sorry la...i'm lesbian...i only notice girls. so i'll just talk about the girls like i'm a guy. thinking maybe joining the hip hop dance. can meet the girls haha. then can join the library club...so cute...can handle books...i love books can.

okay okay...i just realised that if i continue writing like this, everyone reading this including me will vomit their breakfast/brunch/lunch/linner/dinner/dupper/supper/midnight snack all over the keyboard. so i'll stop.

anyway, the people in my class are really great looking. they don't look like they'll just screw up the class anyhow. they look like an innocent decent bunch. let's hope they remain the same. or if they change halfway, then that's even better. wait...i dunno what i'm talking about. hm, but everyone's gonna change...and that should be the way...instead of staying quiet like a class of mouse for the entire semester/year...

hm, tomorrow's some SPICE training. what SPICE? it's kinda like weird...3 hours to teach us how to excess the SP student thingy...i already did some experimenting of my own...and found that my time table for my new week is like a belated april's fools day prank. 5 days...with the longest day being from 8am to 6 pm...wooo...enlightening...

hm...it;s okay...but the breaks are like 1 hour...at the most...hm...and i probably gonna lose my way tomorrow...where the hell is the bloody T326? hm...block 3, level 2...room 6?

hm, then there's flag day...which i'll probably write about in my next blog entry...seeing that this blog entry will probably make everyone doze off to sleep...and cause i can't really think well when i'm sleep-deprived...been visiting my ex workplace most of the week...but i don't think i'll be visiting any longer. seeing that i have such a beautiful time table. hm, anyone wanna accompany me to eat there...discounted price...hm...i know the five-letter word that will make people immediately rush to join me...ready for the word...you sure...don't hyper-ventilate...alright, got your oxygen-tanks ready with the mask around your mouth? good. the word is ....treat. oh, look what i did. 5% of you people just fainted.

Culda

Stupidy Happens To Anyone, It Just Depends On The Level Of Stupidity That One Goes And For Me, I Have Reached A Level Where The Dumbest Couldn't.

finally, i'm able to write a proper blog entry cause i can write it in the morning/afternoon. my entry always gets messed up cause at night i feel like i'm drunk on the sandman's sleep sand and forced myself to vomit out more than i am expected to. i left tcc...and am leaving for Singapore Poly...hurah...boo yah...goo goo gah gah...

and i left tcc partly...i mean i left it without saying proper goodbyes...shit...thakns to someone i forgot some other people and it's no point putting my shitty thanks here cause well, i mean who wants to cry over their keyboards...not me crying...i mean those people who i wanted to comment about...they'll cry...yes they will...muahaha...ever since i've taken my cough drops, my muahaha sounds as sweet as count dracula's...maybe even better...

anyway, i'm feeling way stupid...cause...hm...you know how isit when you wanna do well in your o levels and then you totally give up on it and just do the n levels...well, for my case it's not really like that. it's confusing...more confusing that that stupid show 'days of our lives'. go for someone who can't offer what you want...not the elevator service...no not that kind of offer...i mean to say...ah...you won't understand...you'll probably vomit in your arms due to the nauseating effect i tend to have on people...

for your eyes only...i love that saying...esp when a girl says it...kinda gives you the feeling that a train just rushed into your brain filling it with thoughts that can't be figured out and all that you understand is that it's gonna be soemthing....gooooooood...then when you finally get it, it's a stupid dish of spaghetti cooked in a sauce in only what can be described as a cross between bile and a mixture of whitish chunks...yummy...

but actually it's great when one makes cooked food for both parties (parties as in the boy and the girl, not the birthday and funeral kinda party) cause you get the real essence of each other...the love...the good food...the chemistry of the food bonding and so are the strings of both of your hearts...wait...what did i say? hm...never mind...i messed that bit up...but all in all...it is romantic...

romance...love...amour...cinta....ishq...wo ai ne...love...so many languages...but it still means something...commitement...no point forcing one into the commitement of love...think about it...if you really love someone, tell her...if you really love someone, never use someone as a replacement...if you love her, even if you can't get her, tell her...if you really love her...you are ready to let her go...if you really love her, don't expect her to say...'yes'.

Culda