Though Slightly Intoxicated By The Overdose Of Rich Chocolate, I'm Still Sobre To Write Non-Sweet, Crappy Stuff, Or In Other Words, I'm Still Myself.

what a week. busy busy busy. spend money like hell. and i still haven't even got my phone in working condition. com'on, where's my money??? where's my 300 bucks??? who's your daddy??? okay, the last part is crap. but i'm still waiting for the people from the MOE to give me my well-deserved 300 bucks. it's very important. i need to go coffee club and drink tiramisu latte.

anyway, also went out with my obs dudes yesterday. from 13, it only came down to 7 people. why? don't ask me. why do people ask who's coming. and why do they insist that they will only go out if only their friend is going out. i'll touch more on this subject in my next blog.

talking about my next blog, i'm going to start this collection. it's called the "pages from the royal purple diary". i might as well introduce this thing right now so as to get straight to the point when i do start this thing. well, first of all, i'm going to write about daily issues that play a certain important part in our lives and might change the way our lives if people start to learn slightly abit from my diary. okay, that might sound long to you, but if you read it slowly, then you might start to feel the flow. what i might say may offend people but as i said, if you think i care, then please come to my house and i will give you a slap on your right butt cheek. and if you feel that your left butt cheek deserves more attention that your right one, then i'll be glad to smack that left cheek. and i'll be happily singing Akon's 'Smack That' while doing it so that you'll feel special.
anyway, i'm not trying to stir up any kind of shit or be controvesial. i hate beig controvesial.i don't want to to be. cause singaporean controvesy is...mediocre considered to what we read in other worlds. sorry, not worlds, but countries. but it does feel like a different world.

okay, then about the diary, you might be asking, why is it royal purple. well, purple tends to stand out. royal purple, more shinier and more striking. it can also be more homosexual-y oriented. well, what i'm trying to say that purple is one of those colours that strike up coversations. be it purple-dyed hair, purple face, purpleboos.blogspot.com...anything. purple is one of those colors that strike up a conversation. wait i said that already. anyway, thus because of these reasons and a few other reasons which i can't think of at the moment, i chose royal purple to be my diary of issues.

and i would like to encourage everyone reading this blog to have a diary or book of issues. it may not necessarily be purple, but wouldn't it be cool if it was purple instead of the normal black, pink and floral designs. anyway, do have a purple diary, write your issues in it. it can be any issue that irks you. it could be, people not having the resposibility to pick up litter or not giving someone a seat. anything. if you would like to share with me your issues, all the better. and noone would say anything. well, hopefully. if anyone does say anything, then i have nothing to say but 'man, you got caught' or something like that.

but hey, since i got the purple diary thing out of the way, let's go to more less important stuff.
well, just say i know this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy's father-in-law's cousin. well, that guy did something which he regretted. that thing is that he talks alot of crap and does alot of funny stuff. he cracks alot of jokes and is like the class joker everywhere. but the problem is that whenever he tries to be serious, he's always thought to be joking. everyone thinks that he's joking. when he tells someone he's angry, they don't belive. when he tells someone he's sick of something. he's not belived. when he tells a girl he likes her, she doesn't belive him. what is he to do? he has this problem and there's only two choices he can make. change and be more serious so that he'll be taken seriously next time. or should he stay the same and live a f***-d up life. you tell me. and i'll tell him. cause he desperately wants to know. this is killing him. seriously killing him. it's too much for him. he's already created this persona for himself that's the joking and carefree guy but the truth is that at home, he's nothing of that sort. he lives a very secluded life, always sitting in a dark corner in solitary, writing something. for him to change, he needs to get the trust and support and, mst importantly, the belief from his friends. if not, he'll just be stuck in square one. please, tell him what to do. please.

hmm...that sounded serious to me.

hmmm...what else happened. hmmm, i know. i'll end this blog on a happy note.

as i said, me and the obs people went out. me, han pei, min wei, wie bin, jun sheng, edy and shern. went coffee club. mud pie was great as always. one big slice of mouth-watering ice cream cake happily wading in a small puddle of chocolate sauce with chocolate shavings around the cake. then had a simply beautiful and wondous tiramisu latte. chatted for quite long. chatting about guns, sex and violence. and ust about anything under the sand. started singing some songs too. you know, me and han pei should never be together. never ever. because the day will be too short for us to really start having fun. when we were having lunch, we saw this bowl of steaming, untouched ban mian. it was sitting alone on a table with no one coming to fulfil it's life destiny of filling someone's stomach. but luckily, me, han pei, jun sheng and edy were there to make it feel complete. that was so good. cause we were hungry and all. oh yeah, any one who need perfume, espeicially customised perfume, contact han pei. he'l be glad to help you. see han pei, free advertising. just keep treating me to your jokes, wisdom and a cup of tiramisu latte always and you'll keep on getting free advertisments. okay, will end here.

Culda

An Open Letter To Santa Mostly About The Reason As To Why I Hate Presents.

dear santa,

it's been years since we last communicated. when was the last me i actually wrote you a letter? 9 years ago? i wasn't the kind who used to belive in this kind of stuff, like belive in you, the easter bunny and the rest of the gang. but recently, i've felt the urge to just write again to you. and this time, i'm making it an open letter so the entire world, or at least my friends, will be able to know why i am the way i am. that didn't make sense but, whatever...

anyway, fatty, i hate exchanging presents. i don'tlike receving presents. i don't like giving them. not that i'm a stingy ass. but it's just that i hate all the acting that follows. like when you get a present, you have to act so thankful even when you know that you have received just a packet of fisherman friend's sweets from your favourite uncle. and when you have to give them the present, you have to like look all over everywhere to get hat meaningful present. and there's also the fear of someone's present being better than you. then you get this sense of paranoia and start to panic slightly at the party when you see people carrying, what seems to be, the greatest presents. and then you feel you've wasted your entire precious time and money on something that's going to be returned back to the shop in two days.

'it's the thought that counts'. bullshit. i hate it when people say that. it makes no sense. well, actually it does but, think about it. does anybody right now in the world who has been exposed to high-luxuried items like gucci and dolce and gabbana, to name a few, care about the thought. if someone is used to getting $$$ and you gave him a packet of sweets, what do you think he will do. he'll probably say like, "oh, er...thanks. it's the thought that counts". he'll slip it in his pocket infront of you, but when you turn away, he'll pass it to his butler, who will throw it in the bin. i always feel this saying was abit for the sarcastic type who would like to imply that your gift sucks. then you get this sense of embarrasement when they say that.

so much for the thought.

plus, when you give presents, you have to make sure that the person doesn't feel offended by the gift you've got him/her. like if you get someone a bottle of deodarant, the guy will think you're trying to indirectly say that he has body odour. and when you get him perfume, he'll be like "you got this from the duty-free shop didn't you, you little bastard!". then if you get him hat, he'll say, "you can't stand to see my balding spot, can't you, you little bastard!". see what i'm saying. you're never appreciated.

hmm, santa, i don't like presents. but see when you insist that i need to take the present, i get this sense of responsibility that i have to look after the present. if not, one day the guy asks, hey can i see the gift i bought you, and you'll be like, "err...funny story...". and then you'll be called a little lying bastard.

probably by now, you would either be drooling with your eyes about to close or you would feel like throwing this 'spam' letter away in the bin.

to sum up, i will tell you what i really feel about presents. i hate them. i hate receiving. i hate giving. i hate helping someone see what present to buy cause i offer no help at all, and i do not know what a men would want for christmas except for a night with a hot girl. santa, do you have any hot daughters? no, all fat. no surprises. i didn't need to guess. guess it runs in the family right, you little fat bastard.

hmmm, if forgot to mention my main reason for writing this letter.

why do little children treat you like a 'god'? i've got nothing against god, but does god ignore the baddies and love the goodies. no, not 'goodies' by ciara, the rnb singer. i mean the good children. hmmm, i don't know. but children do give you this sense of respect when you don't even exist. well, you do, but only in our mind. due to brain-washing movies and stories and cartoons, you appear true. hmmm...i'm not making sense any more.

why am i actually writing this. just to get some comments from my readers. maybe i'll get more suff to write to stir up controvesy. maybe. maybe not. i'll get more ideas when i go out this week. be going out every week. wait, why am i telling you this santa. why am i even writing this letter to you? YOU DON'T EXIST!!!

nah, i'm just here to entertain. hope everyone gets entertained.

hmmm, see ya santa.

your fan and friend with the wickedest pen,Nav a.k.a Culda

P.S. Should i write about life in my next blog. or should i write about the Punjabi (my race) party? i think the punjabi party will garner more laughs. bye bye.

With Mosquito-Bitten Legs And Arms And The Desire For More Adventure Still In My Heart, Soul And Mind, Culda's Back, Marching With A New Age Vengeance

guess who's back. back again. culda's back. tell a friend.

there's a very good reason why i took quite a long time to update my blog. the reason is that i was too busy with other things. see, such a simple reason. anyway, i went to obs. yay!!!
actually at first i was kinda hesitating to go. but i still somehow convinced myself to go. i won't bore you with the facts so i'll just wow you with the interesting stuff...wouldn't want you to drool all over the keyboard.
anyway, the first day, i went to punggol jetty one hour earlier than the expected meeting time. i dunno why, maybe cause the singaporean kiasu bug had bitten me. anyway, out of the 16 people i only knew less than half of them. i started looking at their faces, trying to see which one of them looked like the one who kicked people's ass. i saw han pei and i was like, 'be careful of that guy'. then i saw the girls were like quite quiet but there was this particular girl which made me PITP (pee n the pants). hui wen. her face was like...

but then as they say, don't judge a book by a cover. during the 7 days, i got to know them more better. anyway, let me tell you about the stuff that really got us high or f-ed up.
well, i'm going to describe the events in the shortest i can and put it in the new paper format. ready? steady ah, Keng Swee!

Climbing

we had to overcome many high elements and not forgetting the ever-popular rock wall. it was quite fun except for the fact the belayer has no idea how hard he's pulling the rope and hurting your groin area. when we got down, we were relived twice. why twice? cause when we were relived that we climbed the thing passed our aim and the other is cause there's no more torture for our little friend down below. plus there was this DDD. no it doesn't stand for Don't Die Downstairs. it stands for...hmm...forgot already. anyway, i was partnered with this freaking short girl and i had to keep asking her to step on my leg for support. alot of nonsense that was...i could've done the whole thing by myself...i'm not trying to b boasting but beacause of my height. if my instructor is reading this, then *laughs* *cough, cough* i was just kidding. if the girl is reading this, GOOD!!! but all in all it was fun.

Land Expedition

imagine this. looking through the entire forest of pulau ubin for a bunch of stupid 5' by 5' board with quotes written on it and then when you come back to base, you find out that those are not the right boards. well, how do we know they are the right ones. if we knew, then we wouldn't be searching through cobwebs and thorns for them. we could have just sat in one corner and just write the quotes. it was like a punishment. throughout the journey, i ate 2 cobwebs, three mosquitoes entered my nose and i almost broke my ankle twice. but all in all it was fun.

Sea Expedition

something i really looked forward to. the waves, the backwashes, the girls being wet...i mean watching them capsize. but it rained alot. but somehow instead of the rain slowing us down, it really made us moved faster. oh did i mention we did it on kayak. and plus i was in the single kayak which i simple loved. i was behind lookig at the other couples struggle on the double kayak. except for han pei and his partner. he only struggles when the swordfish came into his cockpit. i had to come at full speed to recue the lifsaver. ironic, i know.but that's how the world turns round sometimes. everyone was feeling shag after the round pulau ubin trip. but all in all it was fun.

Camping

well, camping was fun. we had to stay in tents and there was even this campsite where there was no toilets, no running water and no place to walk about unless you don't mind wild dogs accompanying you behind in the shadows. it was fun, espeicially since you could have a live performance of your friend trying to figure out how to 'crap' with open land and an entrenching tool. i remembered my friend who was the first hero who used the entrenching tool. after looking around for half an hour, he gave up. but i think he did it later. and plus the capsite was opposite johor, there was barricades and fences to prevent illegal immigrants from coming in. not a comforting thought when you know you have to spend a night there. we also built up a campfire, but after 2 hours, the fire vanished like as though someone did a magic trick. it like just vanished like that. and we had to do sentry duty. ironically, those who were supposed to be the permenant 'members' of the sentry club were the first ones to sleep. ahh, i had a good sleep, sleeping on my friend's arm. but all in all it was fun.

Weather (M18 - Coarse Language & Mature Theme)

now, if you are a total lover of all kinds of god, you might find this paragraph offensive, but do i give a damn. if you think i do, then why don't you come to my house and let me give you a slap on you right butt cheek. i don't give a damn. or as eminem says, i don't give a f***. now, anyway, as i was saying, the weather was like f***ing bad. you know why. the gods were having a little fun with us. they were like drinking alcohol when they saw us and they decided to punk us. imagine this.

Boss God: hey hey, look...children!!! hey, let's play them.
Rain God: i'm going to make it rain. rain baby rain. i want to see a wet shirt competition.
Wind God: hey, wanna see whose tent will fly first?!
Boss God: look at those pathetic people holding the tents down! com'on blow harder Windy. blow like how you spread the haze from indonesia to singapore.
Sun God: *sleeping* zzzzzzzz...

damn it, i think the rain god is a singaporean. cause it goes by the same philosophy of the singaporean eater at a kopitiam. 'One time whack ah!'. and it didn't rain like soft marshmallows. it rained like shit. heavy heavy one. no light one. it rained everywhere, everytime. when we were sleeping, kayaking, eating, cooking, shouting, crying, peeing and more. but all in all it was fun.

Instructors

Woo, chu ai. affectionately called july. called lady boss too. and when we are late, she's called storm. no need for further explanation there. but if she reads this then i might as well start preparing my black parade. anyway, a really great instructor. no not a instructor. i prefer the term 'inspirer'. did i spell it right. dunno. we always joked that she was reading her script for what to say when we doing our stuff. it was in a book, and our first assumption was that she was reading her script. but she really does look good, with those muscles and that smile. reminds of me of someone but i haven't met that person yet. there was also another instructor, ai chin. she made me PITP with her strength. she carried the single kayak with one hand!!! holy el toro crappo. though her jokes sometimes were not really of funny material, i was forced to laugh at the fear of being punched in the face. take that as a compliment. please...please...PLEASE!!! but they were really good. but i think halfway we got chu ai angry. and we suffered the aftermath. but all in all it was fun.

Mates

my brothers and sisters except for one. my friends except for one. i wouldn't mind hugging all of them for the whole night except for one. sorry pei jing, that 'one' is you. carry something la &*^%^&*!!! but for the rest of you guys, espeicially the cindy group. love you guys man. i will name all you guys and say some stuff for you.

han pei - hey cindy...how you doing? haha, man, at first like want to punch people but in the end, a really really good guy. a super great leader. knows when to get serious and when to joke. a great freind too. except for the fact that he needs to be rescued from swordfishes. my advice to you, bring a fishing net whenever you go kayaking.

shereen - hey baby, don't pinch me anymore! at first look like the bo chap, don't-give-a-damn kind but actually very good to talk with. unfortunately, on the last kayaking trip, she damn sway. she got left-handed paddle and kena stuck with han pei and his pet swordfish. smile always, beautiful. my advice to you, i'm always here for you...really...i'm not playing trick on you.

hui wen - also look like the bo chap kind. second day, like want to kill someone like that. but she really do alot. very helpful. laugh alot also. the moment she see my face, start laughing already. when this girl see someone needs help, she quickly stop laughing and offer her hand. my advice to you, don't treat me like mr bean. i'm original. i don't wanna be a copy.

jun sheng - hey sexy, how's the g-string! haha! a really cool guy, great to talk to. brother, com'on belive more in yourself, you can do more than you actually think you can. this guy is like very concerned about his red cross unit. very committed. adoi! see la, stick to that word already. my advice to you, next time when selecting climbing harness, select carefully.

ds - wah, this guy really proved to me that we should not judge a book by it's cover. at first when you see him, you feel like he surely cause problem or something like that. but he turned out to be like one of the most determined and friendly and helpfl people around. when he had the pain in the arm, he volunteered to be the belayer so many times. great guy. my advice to you, don't hurt your aim next time, we want to see you climb!!!

edy - prat prat! hey b*^)^$%, selemat datang! this guy here, damn good sial. a really good friend. he's not like those people who punch you if you joke about them. he accept, not only that, he laugh out loud. you really have to love him for that. he is one hell of a team player too. he said he dunno how to navigate, but in the end, he tried and he did a very very very very good job. my advice to you, make your prat prat into a timer so we will never get late for Physical Training.

min wei - hey lady (older than me, must say lady), RIGHT, TURN RIGHT, TURN RIGHT! at first, she look the super super quiet type. then after getting used to the atmosphere, she start joking and crapping. she actually got alot of ideas but one thing she sometimes don't say out her ideas. can see that she want to say something. speak up more abit cause you have the potential to be a good planner. my advice to you, put side view mirrors to your kayak so you know whether your partner is paddling or just slacking.

yeow chong - hey buddy, alamak don't look so much la! this guy can give good ideas and is a very good team player. just that his mind (and eyes!) sometimes wander off. easily distracted. if you concentrate and be more serious, you'll be a great leader. you remind me abit of han pei. more serious abit then you can become like his lil' brother. sometimes too close with the guys, sometimes too close with the girls. my advice to you, relack la bradder!

yvonne - hey lady (another girl older than me), my nick for you is invisible viper! why? cause you look great and look like you have a head ful of ideas. it's just that you are so quiet thus being invisible but you have the potential to be one fierce lady, thus being viper. speak up more, don't hide too much in the dark. spring out lady. my advice to you, adopt the invisible viper nick.

Wei bin - hey honey, huo yian jia! fearless. this guy learns alot, very fast. he can shock you with his knowledge. his laughter also very unique. then he got this very likable face and personality. really good to talk to. he will drop anything to help you, this guy. very helpful and does this things straightaway.my advice to you, keep smiling la honey.

Aik He - hi goodmorning, i want one McChicken. this guy can make you laugh like crazy too. he make you forget your worries. this guy sacrifice quite alot too. that time when everyone sleep already, he still stayed up and looked after us. good guy. then everytime with him, surely got no problem one. my advice to you, wanna work at mcdonalds?

chang yang - hey brother scout, be prepared. alamak brother, speak up more la. i heard in class you talk alot, then how come now very quiet. never mind, i won't talk so much...cause every week i see your face at scout meeting until sian already. my advice to you, be careful at scouts. muhahaha.

yvette - hey mommy, i pass my n levels. this girl can read map like reading a story book. she guide us until so chun chun hit the right place. then she like mother like that. everytime ask me, 'are you okay', 'you okay or not' and 'be careful'. i hear until i want to scream already. then she also a very good team player and leader but when she's with someone then she abit bo chap. my advice to you, don't act like my mother!!!

Yen lin aka Winnie & ah boy - oh winnie! oh winnie! this girl got alot to write about. she's the one who got the most things to see and hear. halfway walking in the forest,she hear voices then laugh to herself. then after that she see ghost. but seriously, she is very very very helpful and she doesn't mind geting dirty. she don't mind doing the boy stuff, hence the ah boy nick. but if this girl doesn't get influenced by someone, she will be one of the greatest girl. she can become like ai chin. Ai Chin Junior. my advice to you, don't laugh to yourself.

Pei Jing (haiya) - lousy sial. can't even carry anything. one lifejacket also cannot. complain queen. wah lao, dunno why i waste my time playing such a nice trick on you. if you can change something about yourself, change your entire attitude the at least people will like you better. you won't be the butt of all the jokes. like han pei said, this is obs, not some holiday or whatever. don't act cute. my advice to you,..aiya...i give advice also you won't take. you'll just say 'hah!'.

well...that's everybody..if you'l feel offended, it's not my fault. it's just that you are like this. i'm just telling the truth. but seriously, i love all of you guys. even though we all wake up late and started rushing like stupid people like that, we still enjoyed ouselves. all in all, it was fun.

well, that's the end of my blog. good night. i spent two days writing this. if i have missed a few details, please do let me know. i have the tendency to overshoot some stuff. when you tell me, i'll correct and write more stuff and put it in a new blog entry.

okay goodbye.

Culda

P.S. Shereen