The Confessions Of A Not-So-Singaporean Singaporean. Part One. Deal Or No Deal.

yes..first of all, i'm back. my laptop is better than new after being repaired. hard disk corrupted. yes. pathetic i know. anyway, enough with the bullhakie (a fancy word for bullshit).

i've been thinking. singaporeans are kinda like a bunch of confused people. you need evidence. i'll give it to you. please play the song 'give it to me' by timbaland, justin timberlake and nelly furtado. got it. good? okay.

take for example, the game show deal or no deal. it's in its second season and still people can't really get the gist of it. i mean, they confuse it with other game shows. most of the time, it's confused with the ever popular wheel of fortune (WOF). like when the model is opening a briefcase, the crowd screams small money small money. though it is the opposite of the big money yelled in WOF, it still rings thousands of bells. i mean are we so confused that we can't differetiate between simple meaningless game shows. or are we so dumb or lazy when creating new cheers. maybe let's get dick lee to write us a couple of yells. like 'give me the dough'. or 'hey gwedolyn, you're are hawt'. well, she is kinda hot. except her smile is kinda shy and fake. but what the heck. i kinda prefer her over andrea phone-breaker...i mean fonseka.

then there's just the plain fact that the singaporeans are freakin noisy. i doubt the reader' digest people need not use a sound meter to conclude that a person can be deafened in just 1 minute and 22 seconds in that studio. yes it is a sorta studio not some freakin grand theatre like the esplanade or whatever. yeah, back to the noise, er, actually i doubt you can blame them. i mean, we can hardly protest, and we can't really be like this loud in public cause the public will be like, 'eh sayang, this man he come from IMH isit?'. next thing you now, the police is telling you that you need to shut up unless you want to have your face and name featured on crimewatch.

singaporean's yelling. and the weird thing is that they yell unintelligently. i mean, the banker gives a $3900 offer and the contestant still has 250000 somewhere in the cases and it's only just 8 mins into the game. logically, even the most illogical person would say no deal right. but the audience starts yelling 'no deal no deal'. com'on, which idiot needs the audience help at that time. come to think of it, i don't think we ever need the audience's help. i mean even when at the most obvious time that the contestant should just take the money and leave that god-forsaken place, the crowd still yells out no deal no deal. erm, yeah. i bet even if one of the models were to say 'would you wanna kiss me for a dollar' they'll still go no deal no deal. the way the audience reacts to the banker's offers is like they were expecting 249,999 bucks. that'll be a real head-scratcher. no deal no deal. the only time i see singaporeans actively participating together to voice their opinions is at a football match where the singaporeans are shouting 'referee kayu'. hm, i think after another few seasons of deal or no deal, singaporeans wll be shouting no deal to the referee instead of kayu.

and you know what's even more crazy, and more f**ked up. the way they react with their actons when they say no deal. they start shaking their heads, and putting their hands in a x-formation. apparently this was maybe how elections were done in the past way before the ang mohs came. and they'll move their hands to form the x in a 3d form like they want you to see they really mean no deal. they way they react is like a fat guy's on the stage and he's attempting to strip himself infront of everyone. no deal no deal.

hah, where do we live in. how confused are we to make an x men mark. must be our favourite show. shouldn't they be like doing a thumbs-down action. what i suggest is that whenever there comes a time to ask the audience whether they wanna deal or don't wanna deal. for those who wanna no deal, all they have to do is shut their mouths up and get out of the studio for that period. that way, we'll really be able to see who wants to deal as no deal is just deal with a no at the front. and plus it's politer on our ears.

singaporeans, there's a difference between being enthusiastic and a simple plain fat pain in the ass. is that right you ask me. yeah that's right asshole.

Culda

P.S. i don't mind if gwendolyn wants to just parade around. but i prefer her in a long dress than something so skimpy. i mean, i dunno, i just feel she'll look nicer in that.
Me: Gwendolyn, would you be my date for a day and in return i'll show you my TLC?
Gwendolyn: No deal.

With A Dry Throat And Sweating Palms, I Reach For Your Hand To Hold But You Pull It Back And My Head Spins With My Heart Beating Wildly Wondering Why.

Special Report: Racism In Singapore - Part One

First of all, what comes to mind when I say the word ‘indian’? let me help you. Erm, black? Bangla? Construction worker? Rapist? Oily? Easy to prank call? Inde-pola-na?

Don’t deny it. That’s what comes to mind. To most people. To the business people, we are the powerhouse of the world besides china. to the mathematicians around the world, we are the ultra-mathematising kind except for some people.to my friends, they will say crappy, and that is due to the minority that makes people laugh.

okay, you gotta admit. Singaporeans nowadays are hardly aware of the history and all that shit about the racial harmony and understanding. Com’on. Most of you still think Bangladesh is part of India. That’s the reason everytime you hear a funny name like balasingam murthu or if you see a man wearing a turban, immediately you think of him as a bangla or in the case of the turban, sometimes as a terrorist, but that’s a different story.

I don’t blame them. No wait, I blame them cause these people jump to some consclusion that is so ridiculously unjustifiable and totally insensitive to people who are of a different race.

And I am not afraid to say this but most of this racism comes from the majority – the Chinese. Yeah. Not all Chinese but there is a group within the majority that is almost as big as the minority. Yeah. You might think I’m bold but, no I’m not. I’m just saying what I see in real life.

I’m going to educate you now.

The Indians

There are south Indians and north Indians. No not the north and south of Singapore. There are no chua chu kang Indians. I’m talking back in India. The first Indians to come to Singapore back in the good old days where the in thing was trading and wearing little clothes meant you were either a fisherman or a drifter (fancy word for the hobos).

The north Indian are the Indians with simple names, like the Kapoor or Sinai for the hindus and Singh and Kaur for the Punjabis. There are other races beside these two like the gujaratis.

The south Indians are the ones with the extravagant names like balakrisnha. The most of them being tamils. Tamil is also a language, but not the only language in India according to some.

The reason why there is a misconception about the fact the all Indians speak tamil is due to tamil being the languge in Singapore for the ‘indians’. Tamil was put as one of the four official languages (the other three being English, Mandarin and Bahasa Melayu) as there were a lot of tamils a long time ago in singapore and since there was a need for singapore to have a national language for Indians.

Indians have probably gone through so much of racism. Mostly the Punjabis cause of the turban. Since afgans and all the people in ‘terrorist’ countries where cloths around their heads, Punjabis are then regarded as terrorists. People laugh at that. What’s so funny about that. If terrorism was a joke, why isn’t anyone a making fun of the WTC bombing?

Then there’s the red dot, which some people say it’s a traffic light or infra-red thingy. All of the Indian customs seem to be closely made fun of. Nothing seems to be spared of such horrible torture.

It kinda just makes you sick when you hear that. Sick to the core of the stomach. Then people start picturing stuff about the places of worship.

At times like this. It just makes you wanna think.

Think.

Think.

Hm, that’ll conclude part one of this special report.

Pictures will be up soon. Pictures of the different races and the places of worship. I know this sounds a little disorganized but, I’m getting there. I’ll make this nice. Nice wishy washy. Hmm, but in the meantime, think about it. And talk to people about this.