How Do You Measure The Hopelessness And The Level Of Insecurities In A Man, For Isit By His Lack In Determination Or Sacrifice Of His Own Interests?

understand one thing...when a man breaks down eventually, that doesn't prove he's weak. he just has lost the ability in hope for the moment, he's going through a tough time, he's going through a loss of hope and determination at the moment. him being so depressed is just probably a temporary stage/phase of his life but no matter what, he seems to pull it off infront of his close ones and prays that no one will see him as emotional. men are emotional...the reason why we don't show it is cause we don't want others to share or help us with our burden and miseries. it's hard to explain to people as they never know that guys would share their sorrows with the world. men only try to hide their sorrows by just walking it off, but it's still there. inside of us. slowly getting heavier and heavier. until one day, we just just blow it off...

TEARING ME APART
hm, tears? yep, i've shed a few. when the doctor slapped my ass when i just got released into this world, i cried like hell. pain yeah, i've felt pain...when i was running and i fell and my balls landed on my b***s in some weird fashion. indescribable pain. hopeless, yeah, i've felt a sense of hopelessness before, when i released that singapore soccer is going nowhere. i felt hopeless cause whenever i go overseas, the foreigners will think of me as part of china and a bunch of people without the knowledge of kicking a ball into the right goal. lost, yep i felt lost...when i first when into tp and entered the girls toilet by mistake...i was feeling scared then...everyone feels something now and again. the feeling of love, the feeling of rejection and the feeling of feeling something that isn't supposed to be felt (touch my body)...we can't be put to blame for being emotional or angry, it's all natural...what we need to understand is what cause us to have this feeling at this point of time. got it?

UNDERSTANDING FASHION
hm, fashion...it's not my niche area at all...it's not something that i like to do...but hey i mean it's alright...you know, i mean if you got time to spare, or if you are with people who wanna shop, then going to topshop or zara or armani isn't that bad at all...but you know you've got a problem when people comment that you are a turn off for people who wanna shop. woo hoo...my life's purpose has been served. anyway, fashion is a part of life that needs proper understanding, comprehension and commitement. i mean fashion is changing constantly ain't it...then you've got to keep yourself up to date to it...hm...maybe SP should have a new club called SP Fashionista's Crew. we all know who will be the president right?

CCAs AND CLUBS
hm, dragonboating....probably...gotta join something...keep my life interesting...i don't have a life currently...so gotta create one...then gonna fill up my life with maybe either deejay club, sports club, sp rovers...see which one or two appeals more to me...plus don't forget that if i take up the sports module and foreign language module, it'll be even more enlightening for me...will be able to see heaven calling out louder to me as each week passes by...hm...we'll see how it all goes.

THE 02 CLASS AND THEIR OUTINGS
hm, well, am i getting to like my class....no...i'm starting to really really like it..especially humanbio chem...okay who am i kidding...i hate it to the core of the earth...why oh why did they have to have chem there. hm, but anyway, anatomy hasn't started yet. i know that once it starts, we'll be seeing more of the latest movie trailers...and then every friday, at least part of the class will have their outing. (hm iron man anybody?) well, botak jones was not as good as i thought it was...the standard dropped...but at least communication and bonding was done. i would say the class in being more united, and we are bonding more...some bond through food, some bond through choking on food, some bond through talking about their subjects, some bond through debates over certain matters...some bond through movies...some bond through being a gay-sociallite...okay i was just kidding about the gay thing...well, guess gay-ness is the way that we should bond through...so anybody wanna volunteer to be the class gay? anyone? anyone?

WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME
hm, the other day when i was at kembangan, this lady (probably in her late 20's) put her hand round my thigh and kinda hunged on to it for a good 4 seconds...it was kinda packed in the train and i was on my way to SP...she looked at me and then turned away...er, what happened there i don't know? then guys keep looking at me funnily...not because i've got a piece of spinach in my eye but it's because i'm a guy-magnet...or rather gay-magnet...or gay eye candy...shit, why am i like this? i'm not freaking gay...i love women...unconditionally...ladies my number is 97473625 and i am a healthy young man who will make you forget your miseries. just call me...my name is MachoFoxxx...yeah baby...oh then this old lady thought i was winking at her when i was actually just falling asleep (my eyes close individually when i'm sleep-deprived). the weird crazy part is that she liked it and was eyeing my the whole journey. hm, i don't go for guys, i don't go for old people...holy crappo, why do weird things happen to me...

SP LIFE
it's great. the modules are actually not bad once you get the hang of it. then it's different from sec school where talking to someone or asking someone you don't know might get you in pickle. but how i just wish someone would just fling a chair every once in a while...then food is abundant. but the quality isn't really there. who cares about quantity. i mean no expenses should be spared when it comes to filling up on the nutrients and making you stomach happy. sp is big...we all know...but it's quite easy to find your way around...once you know where exactly you are and where you wanna go...the maps always there to fool you...then the girls...especially at the buisness school...ahhh yes...not saying that there isn't any girls in CLS...hm...i think i'll stop about this right here...don't wanna get ambushed by girls from CLS...i don't need to worry about the girls at engineering cause there's like hardly any girls there in engineering. and i think i should jsut talk about SP some other time...it's kinda getting boring.

IN THE END
ever felt like giving up? ever felt like you can't succeed in life? well then give up. give up right now. you are a coward. you don't have the courage to face your problems, you might as well live under the rock and cease from living. why are you not seizing each day's opportunities? guess how many people want your spot. no one in this world respects a coward. if you back down, someone's gonna just run and fill up your spot in three seconds. hey you think you're making a sacrifice. think you'll look like a hero by sacrifing? you ain't a hero. the world ain't looking for heroes. the world is looking for the people who can't make it. the world wants to know who is the weakest link, so that success for others will be easier. hm, hey you giving up. let me know. i'm waiting for a new challenge.

Culda

P.S...this blog was done over three separate days. i had to do other work in between and all that. if you think that this blog is kinda messy or shitty or whatever, let me just say i don't care a damn for your comments. got a comment, come find me. it's been a long time since i stuffed a stray cat down somebody's windpipe.

P.P.S...no animals were harmed during the entire phase of my life.