An Open Letter To Santa Mostly About The Reason As To Why I Hate Presents.

dear santa,

it's been years since we last communicated. when was the last me i actually wrote you a letter? 9 years ago? i wasn't the kind who used to belive in this kind of stuff, like belive in you, the easter bunny and the rest of the gang. but recently, i've felt the urge to just write again to you. and this time, i'm making it an open letter so the entire world, or at least my friends, will be able to know why i am the way i am. that didn't make sense but, whatever...

anyway, fatty, i hate exchanging presents. i don'tlike receving presents. i don't like giving them. not that i'm a stingy ass. but it's just that i hate all the acting that follows. like when you get a present, you have to act so thankful even when you know that you have received just a packet of fisherman friend's sweets from your favourite uncle. and when you have to give them the present, you have to like look all over everywhere to get hat meaningful present. and there's also the fear of someone's present being better than you. then you get this sense of paranoia and start to panic slightly at the party when you see people carrying, what seems to be, the greatest presents. and then you feel you've wasted your entire precious time and money on something that's going to be returned back to the shop in two days.

'it's the thought that counts'. bullshit. i hate it when people say that. it makes no sense. well, actually it does but, think about it. does anybody right now in the world who has been exposed to high-luxuried items like gucci and dolce and gabbana, to name a few, care about the thought. if someone is used to getting $$$ and you gave him a packet of sweets, what do you think he will do. he'll probably say like, "oh, er...thanks. it's the thought that counts". he'll slip it in his pocket infront of you, but when you turn away, he'll pass it to his butler, who will throw it in the bin. i always feel this saying was abit for the sarcastic type who would like to imply that your gift sucks. then you get this sense of embarrasement when they say that.

so much for the thought.

plus, when you give presents, you have to make sure that the person doesn't feel offended by the gift you've got him/her. like if you get someone a bottle of deodarant, the guy will think you're trying to indirectly say that he has body odour. and when you get him perfume, he'll be like "you got this from the duty-free shop didn't you, you little bastard!". then if you get him hat, he'll say, "you can't stand to see my balding spot, can't you, you little bastard!". see what i'm saying. you're never appreciated.

hmm, santa, i don't like presents. but see when you insist that i need to take the present, i get this sense of responsibility that i have to look after the present. if not, one day the guy asks, hey can i see the gift i bought you, and you'll be like, "err...funny story...". and then you'll be called a little lying bastard.

probably by now, you would either be drooling with your eyes about to close or you would feel like throwing this 'spam' letter away in the bin.

to sum up, i will tell you what i really feel about presents. i hate them. i hate receiving. i hate giving. i hate helping someone see what present to buy cause i offer no help at all, and i do not know what a men would want for christmas except for a night with a hot girl. santa, do you have any hot daughters? no, all fat. no surprises. i didn't need to guess. guess it runs in the family right, you little fat bastard.

hmmm, if forgot to mention my main reason for writing this letter.

why do little children treat you like a 'god'? i've got nothing against god, but does god ignore the baddies and love the goodies. no, not 'goodies' by ciara, the rnb singer. i mean the good children. hmmm, i don't know. but children do give you this sense of respect when you don't even exist. well, you do, but only in our mind. due to brain-washing movies and stories and cartoons, you appear true. hmmm...i'm not making sense any more.

why am i actually writing this. just to get some comments from my readers. maybe i'll get more suff to write to stir up controvesy. maybe. maybe not. i'll get more ideas when i go out this week. be going out every week. wait, why am i telling you this santa. why am i even writing this letter to you? YOU DON'T EXIST!!!

nah, i'm just here to entertain. hope everyone gets entertained.

hmmm, see ya santa.

your fan and friend with the wickedest pen,Nav a.k.a Culda

P.S. Should i write about life in my next blog. or should i write about the Punjabi (my race) party? i think the punjabi party will garner more laughs. bye bye.