And Here So Beckons The New Stroke, Effortlessly Painting The Pain Of All That Have Hurt.

hm, and so here i am. after how many days of running away from blogging...i mean, i was too busy to blog.

poly 50 the other time...damn...didn't run as fast as i did last year. and my shin still hurts everytime i sprint. wonder maybe something wrong with my technique? anyway, this year ran with rovers..next year? rovers? or canoeists? canoeists won 2nd this year while rovers 21st. hm, rovers can fight and win it next year. train la...train hard. push harder. pushy-ma.

canoeing is also starting to get into your blood. i can't help but say 'TSAA!' during lessons when the lecturer say something. hah. then now i'm like starting to push harder. com'on, you've get somewhere. you've gotta push yourself from now on. Leg's And Paddles competition coming up in a few weeks. 5km paddle and 8km run. what do i want? i want a good timing. a good placing. and i want to show them mutha fuckas who be running this show. i'm a nice guy.

If you're not getting better, you're getting worse.

alright, so it's been a long time since i actually have to worry about this. but i'm freaking broke. the last time i was this broke was when my parents had left for india and i had no money at all. luckily my sister was there to help me. hah, my sister. sometimes i really want to just leave this shithole i leave in just cause of what is being thrown to her. i know it's her fault but you can't rule out my mother in this as well. is my family too militaristic or just conservative to a very strong extent. i dunno anymore. is it really good to be a guy in my household? or isit just cause we're an indian family and our values are more sacred in a way? i find that hard to believe in this day of age. but it's really tough.

noone really cares about other people nowadays. people like to have the "It's not my responsibilty"-attitude nowadays. you ask someone to take care of your stuff for a moment. moments later, it's gone and you're like wondering where you stuff is and you realised your friend just shrugs off and say, "it's not here". again, you can see it in action in your daily life. "It's not my responsibility". taking in the morning train, you find yourself packed in a carrriage of smelly people from all walks of life and they only have one thing in mind - to get their asses whereever they want it to be. fighting and pushing to enter the train first while blocking the exit for those who wanna get out at their station. "It's not my responsibility". "not for me to care for." a kid running around in a supermarket get's lost. the kid cries and walks around. everybody looks at the kid and thinks, what a poor kid, and what misfortune the kid has to have such an irresponsible parent. so what do the public do. just sit there and watch for awhile and then leave to either take a puff or take a shot at lottery. "why help the kid, it's not my responsibility". people are getting too self-centred nowadays. everyone knows it. everyone critisces it. everyone says it needs to change. everyone says this kind of irresponsible and selfish people should be taught a lesson. but who's gonna teach the lesson? who's gonna be the one revolutionising and gathering people and influencing social behavior change? It's not my responsibility.

just a little something that i was thinking of. there's more in my mind, but too much to write down.

hm, sometimes you wear a mask for so long, you forget who you are beneath it.

people fail to understand people. they judge you upon what they see. and they try to justify their conception of your behavior and attitude and maturity level by using a very clever yet lazy line/theory - "first impression". to hell with that. but what can you do, trying to change that, you then give people the impression that you're being a dick by annoying them with telling them your life story. but wait, aren't they now judging you on a second impression? hmmm...

if you have to tell someone that you are matured, you're not.

to that girl, damn, where have you gone...every friday...you are there. staring at me. even at the train station. where are you. gone for two weeks. gawddamn...

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