Lately I've Been Hard To Reach I've Been Too Long On My Own Everybody Has A Private World Where They Can Be Alone.

well, back from a hectic week or disorientation. firstly disorientated from the camp. then after that, went for self training at sp. then the next day went for campfire. then went for 2D1N chalet.

the chalet was like...blah. first thing everybody did was watched movie. then after that they watched another movie. so some of us just started to play tai ti one side. played for like god knows how long. after walking around with some of the girls, went to start fire. i lost my reputation and my touch. damn. i need to reconfigure my skills. but in the end it did start. got a good fire to last the whole night. food was cooked surprisingly well. good cooks around, what else can i say. sadly, i was forced to drink due to pressure by the beer bottles that i had bought earlier in the afternoon. can't believe i drank...shit, it was like a weird nightmare. anyway, i hate drinking. hate it. hate it. hate it. shit, i'm like broke now cause of it. anyway, talked with the rest of the people about everything and anything. and really had a good time. got to know them differently, not in the class typoe of way. but as real human beings and all. then was supposed to walk to see the sunrise with the rest but the rest left cause of some apparent reason. so had a nice walk walking the whole the pasir ris park on my own. so calming and peaceful. then came back to sleep for a while. which was really a while. like only 20 mins or something. the rest of the time i was just staring at the wall and waiting for the perfect time to leave.

i left eventually, only to find that i left my ic back in the chalet which the guys are helping me keep. went to changi airport and got my vouchers of which i decided to spend 30 bucks of the 60 bucks that i received there and then. it was good. missed that place somehow. but i think i'm just very happy that i'm not working there any more. i'm so happy. but i just feel like working again. to get money.

i need money. i need to buy alot of things for myself. and alot of services. thinking of learning guitar again. found my guitar collecting dust in my wardrobe. then also thinking of learning the dhol. then also need to get an ipod. maybe get my parents to buy for my my birthday. my birthdat. 18 july. same as nelson mandela. hm, i wonder i wonder.

hm, you know. i've been thinking. being there with you was simply a dream yet the feel of your hand in mine made me realise how much it wasn't. sitting there with you, with your head on my shoulder, and my hand stroking yours, i wished that we had not to leave. but too bad, too sad for at least one of us, we parted ways. in order to save the time of answering unnecessary questions.

til the end we feed our happiness
from the beginning we yearn for happiness
at the end, we'll be in each others arms,
protecting each other from harm.
though tonight we fall into each other eyes,
romance and love, the hearbeats of our lives.

i screwed up this thing. i need to get my sexy back. shit, i used to be so much better at this.

anyway, i need to unleash the monster within for my canoeing right now. unleash the monster. that's my goal right now. to prove that i can be the best, the best that i can be. yep, push myself. but don't worry, i won't hurt myself alright?

Culda