If Death Spare Me Mercy, And The Devil House Me Not, May My Soul Gain Not The Pain That I Used To Endure But 'Stead Deliver Me Into A Girl's Heart.

i've been waiting so long. after my last failed relationship which was like how many donkey years ago, i start to practice being an archer again. sometimes they ask me or they say, why isit that sometimes i don't even have a girl and sometimes i have so many targets? hm, you know how you're waiting for a bus at a bus-stop. you're waiting for so long. you're eager. you've got a bus concession pass, meaning you can take how many buses you want. so you're waiting, listening to whatever keeps you calm. so then in the distant you see your bus. but then as you look more clearly, you see that two buses that you can take. that's what it is. sometimes life plays with you. it makes you wait. and when the time comes, many oppurtunities come along and you have to choose. but it's funny cause besides choosing, you can also try to figure out which one is better. so you try your luck with one. the first bus has this old man. and all of a sudden he's yelling in your face about how slow the bus is moving. you could sit in that bus for the entire journey with an old man complaining about the inefficiency of busses and regret for the entire ride. or you could alight and get on the next bus. the next bus seems okay. but then it breaks down halfway. luckily you know there's another bus coming along behind. but when you try to catch the next bus, it just zooms past, either it ignored you, it didn't like you for some apparent reason or it's too occupied.

it seems a little screwed to some. but if you found that this makes sense, then that means you can relate and you've been through the same situation as i have been. people may think that this is beig indecisive or they see you as a player. but you're just seeing the grounds. your job is not to change the person you're with entirely. unless the person changes specially for you. but i mean if you're in a relationship where it's not working out but you're still hanging on and lying to yourself that you can change it for the better, my advice to you is to get the fuck out. if you can't deal with the shit, flush it down and move on.

hm, but it's easier said than done. we get too blinded in some sitautions. so what can we do eh, dudes and dudettes?

hm, okay. whichever girl i want, i've gotta just work it out ya know. it doesn't work out, move on. don't cry over spilt soya milk. that's what i'm gonna do now. my target in mind. my targets in mind. but of course someitmes rushing in can be good, sometimes it can be bad. so you've gotta work your cards right. it's not the hand of cards that matters, it's how you play the cards.


okay, i've gotta say this officially. i always thought that you were a good girl. i always thought you were the one who could be the different one. but man, how was i wrong. who was i to know that you were wearing a mask all around. yeah, really. can't believe it. hm, hope you're reading this. goodbye to you. farewell. enjoy wherever you go. at first i was depressed that my hopes of being with you died. but after knowing you more after what happened. it's freaking great that i didn't hop into a wagon that was full of lies and false hopes. but still, i will never lie about not having feelings for you. yeah. goodbye again. may you being in canada have a happy life and all.

anyway, moving on to other brighter things.

cute? adorable? pretty? how should i describe her?

Culda