Regrets, Immaturity and the Conclusion of the Long-Debated Issue Between the Choice of A and B

hey...this week was a killer...'N' levels. plus i decided to do self-reflections. it's one of those rare occasions in my life where i reflect on the most eventful things thats happening to me...and well, was it eventful this week...i went out with an adorable (yet though, in a good and attractive way, freaky) girl, which made me regret. i also realized how immature i was and am...and i also decided to make a decision...a tough decision...between the A and B thingy...

well, here i go, describing it in the new paper format thingy...


Regrets

well, today i went out with a girl...adorable...lovely and sweet and everything...but should i be saying this...hmmm...i don't think she knows i have a blog...so i should be relatively safe...anyway, we were supposed to study today...supposed to...but didn't...was i happy or angry....i was esctatic...well, anyway...instead of subjecting oursleves to the good ol' textbooks and all that, we went grocery shopping. riiiiiiight.

we really did grocery shopping. i thought it was a joke and all that. then i looked (down) at her and said something i never thought i would have said in my life, "okay". probably the first time i didn't feel forced to go to the market...but i somehow wish...if you're reading this...don't make this a habit though at times i may agree...oh and if you reading this...yes you...that girl...don't read on any further...

well...of course you would be readin this cause curiousity is building...but...

anyway, at first we had like coffee and all that...after some crap...she had a banana chocolate...anyway...i won't tell you what i had...wait...this has nothing to do with te regret thingy...what am i doing...

i regretted not doing alot of stuff...like...i mean, i don't know why...i just didn't feel like going with the flow...i had so many chances...you should see her eyes...they are magnificent...oh and by the way...girl, you ain't fat, chubby or somthing like that sounds better...well, i hate chubby too...you look great...ok...stop reading any further...

then we were at the coffeeshop...the urge of me going to just near her and just give her a small peck and all that was so strong...why the hell didn't i go for it...shit man..

hmmm...never mind...i'ma no regret the next time...hmm...look into her eyes and all that...

and when i was leaving...i so wanted to kiss her palm...why didn't i do that....arghhh!!! i hate myself

i really do sometimes.

Immaturity

I am immature. i know that. but i'm trying my best to look my age...feel my age...i have to forget my childish antics...get rid of it...i have to somehow, 'groom my inner-self'. maye somehow, i can proove to people that i can be mature...i wnat to ...it will make me more appealing that way...instead of getting excited at little things and also try not to make freakin immaturish remarks. it's a personal life goal of mine...i have to accompalsh this goal...i have to...even if it kills me...i have to get over it...

i realizes i had to really take action today. i was like a kid next to her. i feel sorry for myself sometimes...but hey...

Conclusion of the Long-Deb...ahh blah blah blah...

maybe the decision is too rash and too quick...but i feel that it has to come out now...if not i'll feel safe around the two girls. A. yeap. my choice. A. i'm intersted in A. i feel that B is nice too...we've had a few nice conversations too but...i feel A is who i wanna lend my shoulder to cry one. will she let me? will she reject me? i don't wanna care about all this kinds of stuff...though i do hope i can really be hitting it off with her...wait...is that correc...ahh...never mind...i think i'ma jst say it the singaporean way...i hope she goes steady with me...be optimistic...she will...just...belief in yourself...and never do stupid shit and stupid stuff to annoy and make her turned off...

wait...

but i don't know where B stands now...is she just gonna be a friend...or the back-up...maybe option 2 will be better now...until further careful delibiration has been done.

Well, anyway, i stll gotta discuss with my friend and dearly respected advisor, the toady from national camp (didn't mantion her before didn't i)...Syaf...hmmm...good advice...about everything...bullshit...just writing something to make her happy...are you happy now?!!!

hmm, well A...good night, and kisses and hugs and crap from the...what's my nick hmmm...well, anyway, see ya some other time then.

Culda

P.s. Hmmm, this blog may see a little dis-organized and missing afew minor/major details. don't worry i'll re-read it and edit it so it sounds more clearer.