It's Frustrating When You Don't Know Whether Life Would Be Better If You Were Nice Or Rude Cause Evidently Nothing Seems To Be Working For Me.

HEADLINES

i have laughed like never before and smiled like a mad man despite my disappointments. i have just shook everything off with a never mind. what did i get in the end? nothing much. no respect. i got taken advantage of. and it apparently leads people to think that i have no responsibility, no sense of seriousness and that i'm always not interested with what people have to say.

i have screamed and shouted at people and forced people to do stupid stuff. i had become something like a dictator once. what did i get in the end? nothing much. no respect, only being feared of. and it apparently leads people to think that i am snobbish loud-mouthed asshole with no consideration for other people's feelings, only caring for what i want done.

what am i to do then? sometimes i wonder why i'm even caring about what i wanna be. but then again, there's this voice in my head (no, i'm not going crazy) that says i need to really think about what i'm doing. and you know what. that voice is right. no matter how much i don't want to belive that voice, i know it's right. i look back in my life. have i done anything that will help create a legacy. i'm hoping that i did. and right now, i'm trying to make a change. 

CAMPFIRE

i'm really trying my best to get the campfire that i'm planning for to be a super success. but i look at what i'm doing for it, and fuck...i'm not doing anything at all. how do i expect myself to be creditted for the success for it. i knew last time i was so enthusiastic about it. then why am i not doing anything now. why do i feel so...useless? am i screwing up the entire campfire. maybe i should have think through it much more. but i know that i've really gotta keep up to it..it was a decision i made. i have to stick through it. i must do it.

FRIENDS

or maybe should i say, 'friends'? i seem to be quarelling with alot of people this days. it's not that i want to. i just can't seem to stop it. i need to let the fire out. hm, to that person at tcc...it's not that i love to point out your mistakes and make you stupid or lose face like how i did to you last time infront of people. i didn't mean it. and i apologize. why i did that? i still dunno why. but know that i'm just trying to help you. then there's other people who i am so close to firing at. i'm really just trying to stop myself. i don't wanna cause any uncomfortable feelings in the class or whatever. hm...but no matter what. i always love you guys. except that i'm kinda pissed that we ain't watching iron man class dopt/ft/1a/02.

RELATIONSHIPS

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THAT GIRL.

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ON A LIGHTER NOTE

hm, the people from class dopt/ft/1a/01 have changed their blogs in an attempt to prevent us from knowing their battle plans or whatver stuff they have going on. hm, all of a sudden i feel like i'm part of a intelligence unit, casue it gives me that sensation when i search for their blogs. so that means i'm like a spy. shit, i'm so hyped up right now. oh and dragon boat camp just ended on sunday. hm, it was kinda fun. many underwears got ripped. i tried my best to be as less high as possible. successful. almost. the first day i scrwed it up abit. but i managed to keep it low for the rest of the days. hm, i just realised i need to redecorate my wardrobe. hm,need a new haircut. need to spend less. need to gain weight. and all of a sudden the song 'stay the same' by joey mcynityre is playing on my itunes. hm, right timing. will anything good come out of me when i stay the same. hm, i've been doing it for 17 years, nope nothing.

CULDA